Reasons of Temporary Insanity
by KneeDeepinInk
Summary: When someone they know goes overboard, the team will stop at nothing to end it. A different twist on the characters. WARNING: Deals with sexual violence and some out of character. Ecklie fans be warned: He's a bad man. GSR, eventual YoBling Please R&R.
1. Spiraling

**Okay. This is going to be completely different for me and maybe a bit 'risky'. Please bear with me. **

**Ecklie is a bad man; remember that as you read this. Be gentle, its just a crazy plot...**

**Again, I own nothing. **

**Chapter ONE: Spiraling**

* * *

Sara Sidle sat in her small office at the Las Vegas Crime Lab, repeatedly tossing a small rubber ball across the room and catching it deftly as it bounced back to her. She had been sitting doing just this for nearly two hours and watched the clock as the hours ticked by and he would come in.

Fuck it. It's not like she cared.

_Really._

She had driven most of the night, charging around the city with her stereo blaring. Anything, she felt, just to drown out her thoughts. She had gone to her apartment to sleep for a few hours and when sleep did not come, she left again and had finally ended up here, at the crime lab, sitting in her office and tossing a ball against the wall.

"_I'm not sure about this anymore, Sara." They had just made love, falling together as their physical explosions culminated, collapsing into each others arms as they let their breathing settle. _

"_About what?" She had asked, her face snuggled against his neck, breathing in the musky scent of his cologne; the subtle scent of sex on his skin._

"_I care about you, Sara." He said. "But, I think that we should... I just think..." He faltered. "That maybe...us...we...maybe we should...stop."_

_Sara felt her heart stop. She actually felt it quit beating as she absorbed his words. "What?" She managed, not moving her head._

_He pulled away to look down at her. "Sara, I just think that we need to take a break for awhile...I think we need some time..."_

_She sat up. "What?"_

"_Honey..." He reached out to gently touch her cheek. "Please listen..."_

_She was suddenly angry, slapping his arm away from her. "So, did you strategically plan this so you'd get laid first BEFORE you told me to get out?"_

"_What?" He said, momentarily confused as she threw the covers back "Sara..." He begged as she jumped from the bed, yanking a drawer open to find some jeans. "No..." He sighed in frustration "I'm not asking you to get out...I didn't plan this..."_

_She laughed. A bitter, snarled laugh that ended in a sob. "Sure." She said quietly. "Sure you didn't." She yanked a sweatshirt over her head, storming from the room to find her car keys and some shoes. She could hear him in the bedroom, knew he was coming after her and so she moved quickly, sliding her feet into a pair of slip on shoes before yanking the door open. _

_He grabbed her arm. "Please, just listen Sara..." He said as the cold night air washed into the townhouse. "My timing is..." he faltered "I'm not good at this. I don't want you to leave like this, I just...I need... I need _SPACE"

_"Well, hey..." She said tearfully as she yanked her arm away. "Whatever it takes to make your life easy...that's pretty much what I've been doing since I got to Vegas. Why change now?" She turned and left, climbing in her car to speed out of the driveway, leaving him standing in the doorway watching her go._

* * *

He came in early, standing in her doorway to watch her quietly. Two years; he felt like he was throwing away two years of his life. In actuality, it had been so much longer than that. He loved Sara; he knew that. But everything about them, their entire relationship, was wrong; he knew that as well.

He wasn't sure exactly when things began to change. He had loved Sara more than anything in his life, there had been times when he thought he would die without seeing her face, without hearing her voice, without touching her skin. He had become completely absorbed in her, utterly infatuated and dangerously close to the edge on more than one occasion.

It came to the point that he could not do his job, he could not think when she was around. He lost control when he watched Greg whisper in her ear, or Nick sling an arm around her to kiss her cheek. He never sent her to a case with any of them, not even Warrick, instead he had kept her with him, holding her close to him so no one else could touch. He had become, he realized, completely obsessed.

That obsession had taken action a few weeks before. Sara had gone after work to Nick's apartment to watch a football game with he and Greg; it had been a tradition of theirs and normally a non-issue for Gil. He trusted her, after all, and they had been her friends and co-workers long before he had been her lover.

It wasn't like any of them even knew that Sara and Gil were involved; it was completely against protocol and totally against the rules. He was so much older than she was and he was her boss. As far as either Nick or Greg knew, Sara was a single woman. And, for Gil, that was a problem.

She didn't come home and as the hours ticked away, he became increasingly agitated. Finally, she came in, laughing and giddy to tell him about the game and the bet she lost to Nick and how Greg passed out on the floor among a pile of potato chips. She had had to take a taxi back because she'd lost the beer guzzling game too many times and had actually thought of sleeping on the floor next to Greg.

She had been happy and he had lost it. Lecturing her about appropriate behavior and expectations and how she had crossed the line. If she was with him, he said, she needed to be more responsible. She had stared at him, stung, and had stormed from the townhouse, taking a taxi back to her apartment.

She didn't come back for a week and refused to speak to him at work unless it had to do with a case.

The rift between them had already started and everything seemed to cascade downhill from there.

To Gil it felt like they may never recover.

"Hey." He said from the doorway, making her drop the rubber ball she had been playing with.

She didn't turn around, instead bent down to pick the ball up, throwing it against the wall.

"Sara." He tried again. She threw the ball with such force that it ricocheted from the wall, smashing into a small lamp across the room. The lamp hit the floor with a loud thump. Sara sighed, stood up and turned around.

The minute he saw her eyes, her beautiful chocolate eyes, he was hit with great remorse. God, he loved her; what was he doing? "Sara..." He whispered softly.

She leveled him with her gaze, storming past him as her arm knocked against his. She did not stop, but continued out of the room and down the hallway, leaving him staring into the empty room.

* * *

He fumbled through assignments, his gaze turning towards her as he tried to focus on the task at hand. She refused to look at him, did not even acknowledge his presence even when he called her name.

"I'm with Nick." She said suddenly as he began laying out the cases.

He glanced up at her, but she refused to look at him, her focus sternly on the magazine in her lap. "Actually, Sara..." He replied. "You're with me."

She sighed heavily and the others looked over at her as she looked up at Gil, a bitter laugh escaping her. "No, I'm not."

He opened his mouth, furrowed his eyebrows, and closed his mouth again. "I'm sorry, Sidle. But that is not how it works. You are with me, Nick is with Greg."

She glared at him and could feel the eyes of the others burn through her as they looked back and forth between the two of them. She stood up, tossing the magazine onto the table. "Fine." She said with a slight attempt at a smile. "Then I guess you're working alone."

With that she walked out of the room and directly to the locker room. Gil stood silently, not sure if he should follow her or stay. Deciding it best to leave it alone, he looked around the room. "Anyone else have an objection?"

Nick shook his head as Greg tried to look invisible. Warrick simply crossed his arms in front of him in compliance. "Good then." Gil said. "Get to work."

Once the others were out of the room, Catherine looked at him. "What the hell was _that_ all about?"

He said nothing, shoving his hands in his pockets as he sighed. "Nothing, Catherine." He said finally, turning around and leaving the room.

Sara slammed her locker, sitting on the bench as she took a few stabilizing breaths. She had begun to sob and was having a difficult time getting herself under control. _"Stop it." _She told herself. _"Just stop it."_

She was just grabbing her purse to leave when Catherine came in, nearly colliding with her as she headed for the door.

"Whoah..." Catherine said, holding her hand up. "What are you doing?"

"_I_..." Sara said with emphasis. "Am going home."

Catherine shook her head, letting out an exasperated breath. "You think you can just have a little temper tantrum and disrespect your supervisor...and get away with it?"

Sara looked down, biting her lip as she struggled with her rising anger. "No, Catherine." She finally said as a tear fell from her eye. "I am sure you'll see to that." She gave a slight nod as she left the room, deciding that she really needed a drink.

* * *

He sat at his desk, head in his hands, as he willed her out of his mind. It had been a very long shift and he had tried to call her a few times; she would not answer her phone. What would he have said to her if she had of? I'm sorry? Forgive me? I'm an ass?

Either way, it didn't change his decision and what he knew he needed to do. If he did not slow himself down now, he would plunge over the edge and take her down with him. He could not allow that to happen; he just had to get her to listen so that he could explain. If only she would answer the damn phone.

"What the hell is up with Sidle?" Gil's head snapped up at the sound of Ecklie's voice. The Assistant Director stood in the doorway, glaring in at him.

"It's under control, Conrad." Gil sighed, picking up his pen in an attempt to look busy.

"Yeah." Ecklie smirked. "I'm sure it is." He came into the room to stand in front of Gil's desk. Gil glanced up at him quickly, looking back down to the papers in front of him; he just wanted the man to go away. "Listen, Gil..." Ecklie began as he sat in the chair across from him. "I know you like Sidle. I know she _gets to you._ But her behavior today..." He shrugged. "I cannot allow it to happen again."

Gil dropped the pen, looking up at him. "Is that all?" He asked. "Because I have a lot of paperwork to do."

"One of your CSI's walked off the job, Grissom." Ecklie lectured. "Sidle is an attitude problem and I expect disciplinary action; immediately." He stood up, glaring down at Gil. "If you do not deal with this, I will." He strode to the door, turning around to smirk at Gil. "Problems in the bedroom lead to problems at work, Gil. I suggest you remember that."

Gil sat stunned, feeling as though he had been punched in the gut. Ecklie knew. All of their attempts to be careful and his boss knew. _Damn it_

He stormed into Catherine's office, scaring her so badly that she knocked files onto the floor. "The next time you go charging to Ecklie because you have a problem with my supervisory skills," He fumed angrily. "I suggest you mind your own damn business."

She looked at him, shock clear on her face. "It had nothing to do with you, Gil." She replied, her voice wavering. "Sara was out of line..."

"_Sara_," He spat. "Is _my_ problem and I don't need your help, or Ecklie's help, in dealing with her. Stay _out_ of my business Catherine and butt out where you're not wanted."

She sat open mouthed as he stormed from the room, slamming her office door as he left.

* * *

Sara lay on her couch, staring up at the ceiling. She had gone to Gil's and collected her things after work, moving quickly so that she could finish before he got home. It had taken far longer than she planned; two years worth of accumulated items.

There were so many pictures, frame after frame, of the two of them together. She wasn't sure what to do with them and so she had simply dumped them all in the trash. Lying here now, she deeply regretted that choice.

She missed him. God, she missed him.

Of course she saw him every shift at work, but he was careful to avoid her; never chancing assigning her to work with him. Instead he would assign her to work solo or keep her at the lab processing critical evidence. But, he never put them together and seemed to be on eggshells whenever she was around.

"_Good"_ She thought. _"Make him sweat it for awhile."_

A knock at the door drew her away from the interesting ceiling crack she'd been studying and she went to the door, peeping through to see Gil on the other side. She thought for a moment about not opening the door, about telling him to go to hell, about just dumping everything of his out the window and telling him he could pick it up off of the street.

Instead, she opened the door.

He stared at her, his brilliant blue eyes full of emotion. He looked, Sara realized, tormented. "Hi, Sara." He said softly, his voice doing little to hide what he was feeling.

She stood unsure of what to do and just looked at him. "I don't have any boxes for your things." She finally sputtered out. "So, I hope you brought some."

He looked stunned for a moment, gazing at her like a hurt little boy. "No," He shook his head slightly. "No, Sara...that's not why I'm here...can I come in?"

She paused. After a moment she sighed and stepped back, letting him enter. He looked around timidly before turning to her. "Sara...we really need to talk."

Crossing her arms, she sighed again. "Not much to talk about, is there?" She said. "I mean, you pretty much laid it out for me."

She saw the flicker in his eyes and thought for a moment that she saw tears, but he swallowed hard, looked at the floor and then back up at her. "Sara..." He said softly, taking a step forward. "I need you to listen to me..." He reached out and gently took her hand, looking down at it as he did. "Please, Sara...just listen to me?"

She felt her reserves crumbling and she nodded. He led her to the couch, the same couch they had made love on who knew how many times, and they sat down facing one another. He held onto her hands as he studied them, rubbing his thumbs over the soft surfaces of their backs. Glancing up, he caught her eyes with his and he was lost momentarily. She was beautiful and he loved her so very much; how could he make her understand that when he was breaking her heart?

"Sara," He began, trying desperately to find words. "You know that I...I have a hard time...with expressing my feelings...and I don't..." He searched for the words. "I don't handle emotional situations well." He looked up and saw her observing him, waiting for more. "The last thing I ever want to do, is hurt you. But, perhaps more than that...I can't stand the thought of losing you...and in order to keep from doing that, I have to get control of myself...because if I don't I will push you away and I will destroy everything that we have."

"What do we have?" She asked him sharply "A relationship that we keep in the dark? Secret dinners? Dates where no one will see us? Great sex?" She tossed her arms out from her side "Other than that, what do we have? You called it off, Gil. Let's just leave it at that"

He was quiet "I don't want to just leave it at that"

"Then what do you want?" Again, she was sharp "Because I cannot keep playing these head games with you, Gilbert...I just can't..."

"I don't know" he replied feebly, hands in his pockets as he looked to the floor

"Well, I don't either" She replied "But I can't keep being your puppet while you figure it out"

Nodding, he reached out for her hand and pulled her with him to the couch. They sat and after a few minutes he began telling her what he had been feeling, beginning slowly, explaining to her that he had suddenly become utterly consumed with her. He told her that he could not stand for her to be with any other person other than him, that he wanted her with him all of the time, that he had somehow become completely obsessed. He knew, he said, that if he did not take a step back that he would drive her away and that until he got control of himself, he thought the best solution was to give them some space.

"I know that at times I seem distant...self-absorbed...selfish..." He said thoughtfully "But..I've never really been in love before...and I don't know how to deal with it." He tried a small smile, continuing. "If I continued on like I was, I would suffocate and drown you...and I would lose you; forever." He squeezed her hand. "I couldn't live if I lost you. I just need you to please be patient and let me slow down a little, before I pull us both down...I believe I am completely out of control"

She nodded slowly. "Okay." She said softly. "Okay...so, now what?"

"No seeing other people" He replied quickly "We are not, after all, breaking up"

She smiled "Damn...there went my 5 o'clock dinner date...."

He held her close as they sat on her couch, cuddled together as the understanding settled in on her. After awhile, she pulled back to look at him. "I threw our pictures away."

He smiled, brushing a stray hair out of her face. "I know...I took them all out of the trash."

She lay back down against him, snuggling up against his chest. "Are you going to take all of your things?"

He shook his head. "No." He said softly, kissing her forehead. "Because I am not really leaving."

"Okay...." She looked up at him again "Just so we're clear...is this like friends with benefits?"

He laughed as she lay back against him and he found himself wondering if he should tell her about Ecklie, about how their entire relationship was about to be blown wide open? As he felt her relax, snuggled closely against his chest, he decided against it. After all, what could Ecklie do?

* * *

"Sidle," Ecklie barked as he stood in the locker room door. "My office..._NOW_."

Sara sighed, looking over at Catherine. They had just finished a 15-hour shift and she was exhausted.

"Damn." She muttered as she put her vest into her locker.

"Sara," Catherine called as she reached the door. "For what it is worth, I'm sorry."

"Not nearly as sorry as I am." Sara replied with a smile as she walked towards Ecklie's office. She went passed Gil's office, but it was dark; he had gone home hours before. There was a mandatory 4-hour power outage scheduled for routine maintenance and Ecklie had ordered everyone it seemed, had logged out early this evening due to the mandatory evacuation order. She could hear Catherine's heels pounding the floor as she also headed home. That left Sara alone, completely, with Ecklie.

_Shit._

"Sit down, Sidle." He barked as she stood in the doorway. She entered tentatively, standing just behind the chair. "Sit." He ordered again as he closed and locked the office door. She complied, sitting in the chair as she held her jacket in a ball in her lap.

He continued what he was doing for nearly five minutes, not looking up or acknowledging her presence in anyway. She was about to speak when he finally looked up, surveying her with a gaze that made her uncomfortable. "You have been quite a difficulty." He said smoothly as he stared at her.

She shrugged. "Not that I have been told." She replied coolly.

He continued staring at her, his eyes flickering up and down her body as though he were a child looking at an ice cream cone. "You and Gil...uh...having _problems_?"

"I'm sorry?" She swallowed, thinking perhaps that she had misunderstood him.

"You know...in the bedroom? He is a little old for you..." He was smirking, rocking back and forth slightly in his reclined position. "You decide you needed more _excitement_?"

Sara stared at him, feeling her heart rate increase. "You know, Ecklie..." She said as she stood up. "I don't have time for this game of yours...if you want to discipline me, discipline me. But I am not playing a game with you."

She had made it to the door when suddenly he was behind her, grabbing her so roughly that she cried out in shock. He flung her against the wall, turning her around to face him. "Listen, _Sidle_." He snickered, his breath fanning her hair as his face loomed inches from hers. She could smell the whiskey on his breath. "I know all about you and Grissom; I know that you have been _fucking_ him for years." His grip on her arm was painful and she tried to yank away from him, her fear radiating up her spine. He grabbed her around the throat, slamming her hard against the wall. "Don't even _think_ of trying to play with me, little girl." He seethed. "You will _not_ win. I can blow the cover on this whole affair of yours; and I think you know how you can keep me quiet...the same way you have kept Grissom quiet."

She stared at him as he applied pressure to her neck. She had to be dreaming; this was a bad dream. There was no way this was happening; it wasn't real. She caught her breath in horror as he leaned in, licking her cheek. "You taste _good_, Sidle." He whispered. "I think I'd like some more..." He suddenly put his lips against hers, his hand dropping from her arm to explore her breast.

Sara panicked. Before she realized it, she had lifted her knee and caught him directly in the crotch. He pulled away with a cry of pain, letting go of her as she tried to push passed him. He reeled, hitting her so hard that everything went momentarily black, Sara's world transformed briefly by bright stars and unrelenting pain. She fell and could feel him grabbing at her and she screamed, kicking blindly as she scrambled across the floor.

_What the hell was going on??_

He dropped on top of her, holding her down as she squirmed. "Who are you going to tell, bitch?" He breathed as he ground against her. "Who is going to believe you?" To Sara's horror, he reached down to work the snap on her jeans.

_Oh hell no._ Sara thought wildly, realizing what was about to happen. She screamed repeatedly, fighting his hands and bucking against his weight, trying to throw him off of her.

"No one will hear you." He whispered as he undid the zipper. "I sent them all home...Scream all you want..." He seethed. "I like it...I like hearing Sara Sidle scream...I want you to beg, Sidle...beg me to stop...beg me to keep quiet...beg me..."

She spit on him. Momentarily thrown off guard, he suddenly had her around the throat again, squeezing as heard as he could. He watched as her eyes widened, knowing that if he waited long enough she would stop moving all together. The fear in her eyes excited him even more and he didn't know if he could hold back much longer; he had never been so turned on in his entire life.

"Tell anyone," He seethed. "I'll be sure that your _boyfriend_ loses everything...what you're doing is against policy, _Sidle_...fucking your way to the top only works if you start at the top." He had her blouse and was pulling at it with his spare hand, nearly entangling her arms with the fabric. He managed to disconnect her bra, exposing her bare breasts to his wide and eager eyes.

As he brought his face down, Sara felt a surge of adrenaline rush through her and she again brought her leg up thrusting her head up rapidly just in time to catch him square in the nose. This time she hit him with such force that he let go, allowing her to shove him off of her. She scrambled to her feet, rushing to the door as she fought to unlock it. He had her again, this time throwing her so violently that she bounced her head against the linoleum of the floor by his desk. Stunned, she lay still while he dropped to her, feeling as her pants were nearly removed and the panties were pushed aside.

_'NOOOOOOO!!" _She screamed as she tried to fight him again. She could feel the bolts of ice go through her with his penetration and thought she was going to be sick. "_EcklieGodPlease..." _She begged over and over again.

Exploding with a mixture of panic and adrenaline, Sara brought her head up again, catching him square on the nose one more time. He dropped from her, holding his hands over his bloody nose as she grabbed what clothes she had. She flung the door open and ran, rushing to the stairwell as she heard him yelling behind her. She did not hear what he said and continued to run not stopping until she had reached her car and sped out of the garage.

* * *

Gil was awoken by the sound of pounding. He opened his eyes to the darkness of the room, realizing the pounding was coming from his front door. He climbed out of bed and made his way to the front door, opening it tiredly without looking to see who was on the other side.

Sara rushed in, nearly knocking him over as she grabbed him, her arms wrapping tightly around his neck as she buried her head in his shoulder. She was sobbing uncontrollably, her entire body wracked with violent tremors.

He stood, shocked, momentarily, putting his arms around her as he placed one hand gently to her hair. "Shhh..." He soothed. "Honey...what's wrong?"

She didn't respond, her sobs continuing as she gasped for breath between them. "Hey..." He said, reaching over to turn the lamp on. "Hey..." He pushed her away slightly, stopping in horror as he saw her face. "Oh, my God...Sara..."

He wrapped his arms around her as he pulled her towards the couch, sitting down with her in his lap. "Sara..." He pulled away to look at her and felt a jolt of fear go through him. The side of her face was swollen and turning purple, her eye nearly swollen shut. Her neck was starting to show bruising characteristic to strangulation and her lip was cracked slightly. "Honey...Oh, God, honey...who did this? Who did this to you?"

She began sobbing again, shaking her head violently as she did so. Before he realized it, she began to heave and he moved quickly, rushing her into the bathroom where she vomited several times before collapsing to the floor.

She was rocking herself back and forth as he got her a wet towel, pressing it against her swollen cheek. "I didn't know where to go." She sobbed. "I didn't know what to do..."

He kneeled down next to her, holding the cloth against her skin. He examined her neck, noting that it was rapidly turning purple. Her blouse was nearly ripped from her body and he noticed she was trembling. Jumping up, he rushed quickly into the bedroom to bring her back a blanket, wrapping it around her as he stared at her. He could feel the rage build in him as he realized what had happened to her, how someone, some _man_, had hurt her. "Sara..."

"I couldn't stop him." She said softly. "I-I tried..." She took a deep breath to stabilize herself. "I...I ran...I." She started heaving again and he helped her to the toilet, where she vomited repeatedly before collapsing against the wall.

Gil brushed her hair away from her face, trying desperately to see her eyes as the pitted knot formed in his stomach. "Honey..." He begged, feeling tears in his eyes. "You were raped?"

Her response told him everything he needed to know. She began sobbing uncontrollably and became ill again almost immediately. He pulled her to him as she sobbed, letting the tremors in her body subside. "I want to take a shower..." She sniffled

"Honey, you can't" He told her softly. "We need to take you to the hospital; you need to be examined..."

She shook her head violently "NO!" She nearly yelled. "NO...nonono..."

He sighed "Who did this? Please, tell me who did this?"

She looked up at him, seeing the pain, the worry...the rage...in his eyes and she took a deep breath. "I can't..." She said quietly. "I didn't..." She was crying again and he scooped her into his strong arms, hushing her against her hair.

When she began slurring her speech, he drove her to the emergency room. Against her protests, the police had been notified and she ended up sitting across from Jim Brass, telling him repeatedly that she didn't know her assailant, that it was dark out and he grabbed her and she never saw his face.

He didn't believe her.


	2. Losing it

**I really wanted to finish this tonight; but I am exhausted and it got way too long. Not sure how to finish it up; but I hae some ideas. Kind of a strange story, a weird plot of sorts, but I hope you like it anyway. Next chapter will be the final**

* * *

Conrad Ecklie stormed through the lab, heading towards Gil's office; it was empty. His head throbbed and he didn't think he would walk straight for a month; that fucking Sidle

He had nearly chased her down; had considered grabbing the back of her head and dragging her back to his office. He would have, too, if she hadn't hurt him so badly he couldn't stand. Instead he had lain on his floor writhing in pain as he heard her scramble down the hallway and out the door.

He went to her apartment, sitting in his car and downed nearly a full fifth of whiskey as he waited for her to show up. He had sat seething, knowing where she had gone and vowing to confront both her and Grissom about it. Instead, he had passed out, waking up in the early dawn with a throbbing head and an aching crotch.

He drove by Gil Grissom's on the way to work and sure enough the bitch was there. _"Perfect"_ He thought _"Just fucking perfect."_

As he rounded the corner into the break room, he found Catherine and the rest of Gil's team, quietly discussing something amongst themselves.

"What the hell is this?" He barked from the doorway. "None of you people have anything to do? What, is Vegas all out of crime scenes?"

They looked up at him, the expression on Catherine's face one of shocked amusement. "What happened to you?" She asked, noting the slight bruising under his eyes and the swollen skin of his nose.

"I ran into a door." He said with irritation. "Where the hell is Grissom?"

"Uh..." Greg began, looking around him. "He's not here yet."

"No shit, Sanders." Ecklie barked. "You got a real brain on your shoulders, don't know what the hell you are doing here."

"Conrad," Catherine told him, stepping away from the counter she'd been leaning against. "We're just going over assignments, so unless you need something...we have work to do."

"You damn well better." He nearly yelled. "Just because Grissom can't seem to drag his sorry ass in her doesn't give any of you reason to stand around wasting laboratory time."

Before Catherine could answer, Brass came into the room looking over at Ecklie with strange curiosity. "Looks like you lost the fight."

"I ran into a door." Ecklie snapped, looking back at Catherine. "You tell Grissom when he gets in I expect to see him in my office; immediately." He glanced around quickly. "And tell Sidle the same." He turned and stormed from the room, hearing the snickers from Greg and Nick as he disappeared down the hallway.

"Wow." Warrick said after he had gone. "Somebody have a rough night or what?"

"Must've been some door." Nick chuckled.

"If that is what he looks like I'd hate to see the other guy." Greg commented as he took a sip of coffee.

Brass stood quietly as he contemplated Greg's words. He turned slightly towards the direction that Ecklie had gone, noticing the slight hobble in his gate. "Fight, huh?" He said to the others in the room

Catherine nodded. "No idea." She sighed. "Don't really care to find out." She raised her eyebrows at him. "Where is Grissom, anyway?"

Brass sighed as he walked over to the coffee pot. "You know," He replied. "I think that is something you'll have to ask him about."

"Okaaayy," Warrick replied as he stood up from the table. "But, Sara's not here either…what are the chances that they are _both_ late?"

Glances went around the room as each pondered the question. "Sara's never late." Greg commented. "Maybe something happened?"

Brass stood quietly a moment, choosing his words carefully; he had promised Sara that he would not tell them what happened. They would find out easily enough when the evidence rolled in to process. "Well, I'm sure what ever it is" He began. "There is a good reason."

Of course he knew that Gil was with Sara; he had been with her since they'd left the hospital and had taken her back to his townhouse. He knew that Gil cared about Sara, and sometimes he even thought that there was a little more to them than just friendship; a _lot _more. Whatever it was, it really wasn't any of his business anyway and so he didn't spend much time wondering about it.

He did wonder, though, about what really happened to Conrad Ecklie.

* * *

Gil walked into the bedroom, carrying a tray with a steaming bowl of soup. Sara lay on the bed, her back to him, as he placed the bowl on the nightstand. He sat next to her, reaching out to stroke her hair softly.

"You need to eat something." He said quietly as he stroked her hair.

She was quiet for a few moments and he thought that maybe she was sleeping. Finally, she rolled over to look up at him, her swelling had subsided and she could open her eye partially. Her neck, however, looked like it would take awhile to heal. "I made you soup." He said quietly as he brushed the hair out of her face. "It's mushroom soup. Something soft and mild, you really should sit up and eat a little."

She nodded and sat up, leaning back against the headboard as he settled the tray of soup on her lap carefully. He again reached out to tuck her hair behind her ear as she stared at the bowl in front of her. "At least try and eat a little." He said. "Please?"

It had been a long night. They had spent the majority of it at the hospital where Sara had undergone a regime of tests and questioning. She had adamantly refused to undergo a sexual assault exam, screaming her protests as she fought with Gil and the doctors. They had conceded, Gil's concern over her rage overpowering the need to force her to the exam against her will. She had also refused to cooperate with Brass, growing increasingly agitated each time he attempted to get a statement from her. Finally, when that agitation led to violent vomiting, he closed his notebook, giving Gil a look of extreme concern.

He had driven back to the townhouse, noting the way that she pressed her body as close as possible to the passenger door, as if she were hoping it would open up and let her out. That, or she was ready to leap at the first attempt he made to touch her. He had remained placid instead, afraid to make a move that would startle her. He spoke in soft monotone words, carefully choosing what he would...and wouldn't....say. She had barely acknowledged him, nodding on occasion and had bolted from the car as soon as they reached his home, rushing inside where she took a long, scalding shower that left her skin bright red before collapsing on the bed in the spare room, clad in a pair of his boxer shorts and an over sized sweatshirt. He had given her one of the sedatives the hospital had prescribed and within minutes her silence turned to sleep as he sat and watched her doze off.

And during the entire ordeal he kept thinking that if she had been with him, she would have been safe. If he hadn't called it off, he would have had her working with him and she would not have been alone. None of this would have ever happened

Sara had been sexually assaulted and it was his fault.

"Sara," He tried. "I need to go into the lab for awhile…but, I would like you to eat something."

She looked at him and sighed. "I'm fine." She replied tiredly, her voice hoarse. "You don't need to stay here."

"I know." He leaned forward and kissed her forehead softly. "Honey, I am so very sorry…I should have been there; you should never have been there alone. You should have been here…with me…"

She was quiet, looking down. Her mind played over and over again Ecklie's words, his breath on her face, the feel of his hands around her neck. She felt the tear roll down her cheek and reached up to wipe it off. How could she possibly tell Gil about this? "Please don't.... " she said, averting her eyes. "I don't want to talk about this..."

"Sara…" He reached out, placing his hand gently to the back of her neck. The movement made her jump as she involuntarily hit his arm away, nearly spilling the soup all over the bed.

She began crying "Gil....I'm so sorry...."

Shocked, he sat momentarily, the sting from where he arm hit his a vibrant reminder of the trauma she'd suffered. He reached out, taking the tray to sit it on the nightstand before pulling her into his arms as she cried. "Shhhhh…" He soothed, feeling emotion welling up in him as she trembled against him "It's okay...Honey, please...tell me what happened, please talk to me..."

She shook her head against his shoulder but remained quiet and he held her as he waited for her tears to subside. He felt helpless; utterly and completely helpless. And, he knew, he felt angry, too. Angry at Sara for her silence, angry at himself for leaving her alone, and angry at the person, whoever it was, who had done this to her.

* * *

He walked down the corridor of the lab, carrying with him an evidence bag containing Sara's torn blood stained shirt. He did not tell Sara he was processing it and felt somewhat surreal as he went into Catherine's office, thankful that she was there. She looked up at him with curiosity, smiling slightly. "Well," She drawled. "Look what the cat drug in."

He did not return the smile and she immediately became serious, seeing the evidence bag in his hand. Furrowing her eyebrows, she asked "What's going on, Gil?"

He looked around, as if making sure that they were alone. Finally, he handed her the bag, shoving his hands in his pockets as he opened his mouth to speak. He seemed lost, confused, and nervous as his eyes met hers.

Catherine took the bag, turning it to look at the tag. She froze in shock as she saw Sara's name along with the previous night's date and the words ASSAULT across the seal. "Gil," She exclaimed quietly. "Sara?"

He closed his eyes and she could see that he was having a real struggle with his emotions. After a moment, he opened his eyes to look at her. "I need you to process this, Catherine." He said finally. "And I'd like you to keep it as quiet as possible. God knows Sara doesn't need the extra attention right now."

She was still studying him, a look of confusion on her face. "Gil, what the hell happened? Was Sara assaulted?"

He sighed, pulling over a chair to sit across from her. He looked down at his hands and he leaned forward, shaking his head. "She was attacked last night after shift." He faltered. "He...uh..." He ran a hand nervously through his hair, his voice lowering to a near whimper "...he raped her..."

"Oh, my God!" She exclaimed. "Sara was raped?"

He covered his face with his hands, rubbing his eyes in frustrated exhaustion. Finally, he nodded as he wiped the moisture from his eyes; he did not know what to say.

Catherine watched him quietly. "Is she alright?"

"No....he beat the hell out of her, Catherine...She says she didn't see the guy, it was dark…he grabbed her." He wiped at his eyes, trying desperately to hide his emotions from her. "She had strangulation marks….on her neck….substantial. He could have killed her...."

"Why didn't you call us?" She asked, her eyes wide. "Why didn't anyone call us? It was a crime scene, Gil!"

"She left the scene, Catherine." He replied. "She refuses to tell me where it happened…she became ill when Brass interviewed her…"

"_Brass_ knew?" She thought about how he had been there that morning and how he had not said anything about this.

Gil nodded. "Sara doesn't want anyone to know." He replied. "She was adamant...hysterical about that…she wanted the evidence thrown out…"

"Why?"

He shook his head. "I don't know….but…" He looked down again. "I think she's hiding something…it just doesn't feel…_right_…"

"She was raped." She emphasized. "Shit...oh, shit...Gil, that is a horrible thing to go through...she must be in shock; terrified...of course it doesn't feel right..."

He nodded. "Yeah..." he sighed.

She looked at the bag again. "Where is the rape kit?"

He looked up at her, the overwhelming magnitude of his emotions clear on his face "We didn't get one..." He replied "She refused...I couldn't force her, Catherine..."

She observed him a moment, nodding her head. "How did you find out about it?"

"I was the one she came to." He told her honestly.

"Okay…" She said with a sigh. "Okay…listen, Gil, I'm sorry. I should have stayed last night; I should have waited for her, but Ecklie…"

He looked up at her suddenly. "What about Ecklie?"

"He said he wanted to meet with her, after shift." She shrugged. "I mean, I feel horrible. First she gets her ass chewed by Ecklie and then this? I should have just hung around and waited for her."

"What time did you leave?"

She shrugged. "A little before 3 AM, I think. Sara and I were the last ones out other than Ecklie. You know, mandatory evac for the fumigation thing." She shook her head. "Man, Gil, I am so sorry. So sorry."

Gil was quiet, thinking about the timeline. "You sure you left before three?"

She shrugged. "About 2:50…I can check my time card, but yeah…why?"

He shook his head. "Sara went in to talk to Ecklie?"

Again, she nodded. "That's where she was heading when I left, she'd just gone into his office when I got on the elevator…why?"

Sara had gotten to his townhouse just before 3:30 in the morning; he remembered glancing at the clock when he heard the pounding on the door. It was a 20-minute drive from the lab to the townhouse, if you followed the speed limit. Something did not add up and Gil could feel a knot forming in his stomach. "Just process that for me, will you?" He asked as he stood up. "And please, Catherine, keep it quiet?"

"Yeah." She replied. "Sure, Gris…you know, Sara's done this for me before." He was just to the door when she called out. "Oh, Ecklie wants to see you…."

He turned to look at her. "I bet he does."

"Wait until you see him." She commented as she grabbed the evidence bag to head to the processing lab. "He says it was a door, but honestly…I've never seen a door do that."

And that, to Gil, felt like a punch in the gut.

He stormed into Ecklie's office, ready for a confrontation but not really certain what to expect. When he entered the room, Ecklie looked up and Gil stood frozen a moment by the shape of the man's face.

"Don't ask." Ecklie barked as he saw the look on Gil's face. "Where the hell have you been?"

Gil felt furious, but knew that he could not jump to irrational conclusions. Setting his jaw in anger, he replied, "I could ask you the same thing, Conrad."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" He snapped, throwing a file onto his desk.

"You're the one with a broken nose." Gil replied coolly.

Ecklie glared at him. His mind was reeling, knowing that Sidle could have told Gil everything. Judging by Gil's stance, he didn't believe that she had. "I ran into a door." He lied for the umpteenth time that day. "Not that it really matters…where the hell have you been?"

"I had personal business." Gil replied with a nod.

Ecklie snickered. "You're personal _business_ is late also; I wonder what you two could have been doing. Supervisor and employee…playing with fire, aren't you?"

Gil was growing angry; he knew he had to leave before he lost it. He couldn't prove Ecklie had anything to do with what happened to Sara, and he knew he was just jumping to conclusions because conclusions were all that he had. "Leave Sara out of this, Conrad." He said calmly. "Whatever it is you need to discuss with me, has nothing to do with her."

Ecklie stood up, walking across the room to meet Gil eye to eye. "Oh, I think it has _everything_ to do with _Sara_." He seethed. "You can't go around screwing the help without it eventually coming back to bite you…remember that." And with that he was gone, leaving Gil standing with clenched fists as he stared into the empty office.

As he was about to leave he spotted something out of the corner of his eye. On the floor, just beside the wall was Sara's jacket. Gil stared at it a moment before going over to pick it up, her apartment keys falling out of the pocket as he did so. A sudden rush of rage over took him he barely realized what he was doing until he tackled Ecklie from behind as he waited for the elevator.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" He seethed, slamming him against the wall. _"What the hell did you do to her!?"_

"Get off me!" Ecklie yelled, shoving Gil back. As Gil lunged forward, Nick grabbed him from behind, pulling him back.

_"Grissom!_" Nick yelled. "Hey, man…come on!"

Ecklie was livid, pointing a finger at Gil. "Get the HELL out of my lab." He bellowed. "And tell that _fucking_ girlfriend of yours she's fired…I don't want to see either of you back here again." He shoved passed Warrick, storming down the hallway to his office and slamming the door.

Gil stood trying to catch his breath as Nick slowly let go of him. He looked around him at all of the faces and realized what had just happened. "Gil?" Catherine said with concern as she came to him, putting a hand on his arm.

He shook his head, looking down at the jacket he still held in his hands. "Sara's jacket…" He whispered to her. "It was in his office, Catherine."

She looked at him, his words sinking in. "Let's, uhm…" She said, looking around. "Let's go for a drive, huh?" She pulled his arm slightly, waiting for him to move. Finally, he followed her into the elevator, ignoring the confused looks from the others as the doors closed before him.

* * *

"So, how long?" Catherine asked as they sat at the local pub sharing a drink.

He looked at her. "Two years." He replied, swirling his whiskey sour. "Just over two years…"

"Well, you could've told me." She said as she sipped her brandy.

"We didn't tell anyone." He replied sadly.

As they sat quietly, Brass approached the table, looking down at Gil with a bemused expression. "Fired, huh?" He commented. "You are just having a stellar day, my friend."

He sat, ordering himself a whiskey straight as he dug an envelope out of his pocket. "I think we have a serious problem." He said as he handed the envelope to Catherine. "First of all, there was no fumigation scheduled last night. I checked all over Vegas, even called the company that Ecklie said he'd contracted with. They never heard of him."

Catherine stared at him as Gil put a hand to his eyes. "Secondly," Brass continued. "All of the surveillance in the building was down last night due to a 'glitch' in the system, so there were no videos of Sara leaving the building...until you get to this" He tossed a photo on the table. Gil picked it up and felt his stomach tighten at the sight of Sara at her car. It was a grainy black and white, but it didn't take a trained eye to see that she was bloodied and terrified. He suddenly started to feel very, very sick

Brass put a hand on Gil's shoulder. "That shot was captured at 3:05 in the morning...whoever attacked her, attacked her inside our lab..."

Catherine looked to Gil who appeared as though he'd just been slapped. She opened the envelope, staring at the information in front of her. "Is this a mistake?"

"It's your lab." Brass replied. "You tell me."

As Catherine stared over the results, she felt a sick knot in her stomach. She looked over at Gil, who was watching her apprehensively. "Its a preliminary result on the blood sample you gave me..." She shook her head, looking again at the results she had printed out. "There were two contributors...one was Sara...the other was..." she covered her mouth, looking over at Brass as she tried to keep herself from choking. "This has got to be a mistake.."

Brass sighed, looking at Gil gravely "The blood on the shirt was Ecklie's"

And that is when Gil's grip on the glass tightened, shattering it into thousands of tiny pieces


	3. Crumbling

**Chapter Three**

**I own nothing but this ridiculous story. Please R&R. Kind of different, maybe off character. Let me know if I should continue; would Gil react to Ecklie with physical anger or with reserved fury?

* * *

**

Sara bolted upright in bed, her heart racing as she struggled to make sense of her surroundings. The thundering in her head brought her back to reality as she slowly realized where she was; Gil's bedroom. As her mind slowly adjusted to her surroundings she felt a wave of melancholy wash over her; she hadn't slept in his bed in over a month and it was somewhat poignant that she was there under the current circumstances.

She swallowed, the agonizing pain causing her to wince. Glancing at the bedside table, she noted that it was just after 2:30 AM; she had slept for a solid 6 hours. The soup Gil had made for her sat on the table, cold by this time without ever being touched; she shivered as the memories of the previous evening flooded in around her.

Throwing the covers back, she made her way towards the bathroom, intent on washing the lingering feeling of Ecklie off of her skin. She stopped abruptly as she passed the mirror, staring at herself in shocked horror. Reaching out, she slowly placed her fingertips to the mirror, softly touching the reflection of her cheek. As if watching through a camera lens, her fingers played across the mirrored image of her bruised face and again she felt her stomach lurch and she bent over the sink to heave dryly before splashing cold water over her face.

'_He will not make me a victim'_ She told herself as she held her cool wet hands against her skin. _'I am not a victim'_

_Oh, but you are_. The voice inside her head taunted. She shook her head slightly, felt the tears burning her eyes and so she splashed more water over her face.

'_No'_ She insisted. After all, in her line of work the victim was almost always killed by their assailant. _'I am not a victim'_

She showered. A scalding hot shower that burned her skin as she sobbed under the spray. She could not believe this had happened; she could not believe she had allowed Ecklie to touch her, to feel her, to... She shook her head, trying to clear the images from her mind. She should have known, she should have seen it coming. She should have done anything...anything...to stop him; she was, after all, a criminologist. Shouldn't she have seen it coming?

She left the shower when the water ran cold, wrapping a towel around herself as she found an old sweatshirt of Gil's and some boxers to wear; she had no clothes left at his house having taken everything when they had parted. Grabbing the tray of soup, she decided she would warm it up and try to eat a little of it before heading to her apartment.

A banging on the front door made her jump and she lost her grip on the tray, sending it crashing to the floor at her feet. As she froze in place, she could hear sounds emanated from the front foyer. _'It's three in the morning'_ Sara thought briefly. _'Who the hell would be here at three in the morning?'_

She felt the panic rise in her stomach as her mind played back the events of the previous evening. No one knew she was there, did they? Did Ecklie somehow find out she was staying at Gil's place? She remembered her car parked out front and realized that it didn't take a genius to track her down. Gil had told her he would be at the lab for only a few hours; perhaps Ecklie had sent him on some complicated case just to keep him away?

'_Okay, that's enough Sidle' _She told herself as she felt gripped to the spot. _'Quit acting like a wuss' _Glancing around the room, she looked for anything she could use as a defensive weapon. Generally, the CSIs were issued handguns, but normally had to check them at the gun depository at the lab; she knew that Gil did not have a gun in his home.

Rushing to his closet, she grabbed the old aluminum baseball bat that he stored there and wielded it over her shoulder as she cautiously exited the room. As she broached the final stair, she carefully peeked around the corner to the front bay window; the curtains were drawn yet she could still see the shadowed silhouette of a figure on the other side.

As she left the stairwell to lean against the wall, she looked towards the kitchen, calculating how fast she could get out the back door and to her car before he could catch her. She reached down for her phone, slowly realizing that she'd left it upstairs_ 'Perfect' _she told herself _'Real genius, Sidle'_

She could feel her heart pounding against her chest as she slowly approached the front door, waiting for any sign of him. Shadows played across the room as headlights scanned the driveway and Sara thought she heard the sound of footsteps around the back of the house. The door suddenly opened and Sara swung her arms around, nearly making contact with Gil's head with the side of the bat.

"_**Sara!"**_ He yelled, his reflexes causing him to both duck and reach up to stop the bat at the same time. 

Sara let out a gasp as she lowered the bat her body beginning to tremble as the adrenaline left her system. "_Shit, Gil_!" She exclaimed.

"What are you doing?" He nearly scolded. "You just about took my head off!"

"God, I'm sorry Gil!" She exclaimed as she dropped the bat on the floor. "I'm sorry...I thought you were..."

"Who?" He asked as he bent to pick up the bat, tossing it over to the couch across the room. "The man who attacked you?"

She stared at him before dropping her gaze to the floor and he could see that she was trembling. He felt his own adrenaline begin to subside as he went to the couch and sat down, wiping his eyes as he stared at the floor. He had been so vehemently angry just a few hours before; angry at her deception, his failure to protect her, and especially angry with Ecklie.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He said quietly at the floor as if talking to himself in an empty room.

She opened her mouth to reply, unsure if she had heard him correctly, when he looked up at her his eyes full of an emotion she could not read. He stared at her taking in her appearance as if seeing her for the first time and swallowed hard at the sight of her. "You should have told me."

"I..." she began, fumbling on the words that she was trying to form. "Gil-I..." She stopped, wringing the long sleeves of his sweatshirt she wore into tight coils in her hands. "Please don't..." She began, feeling the tightness in her throat. "Please don't look at me like that..."

"Look at what he did to you." He nearly whispered, his voice cracking. "Why didn't you tell me Sara?"

"I don't know what you're talking about..."

"You lied to me!"

"No..."

"You knew I was going to process the evidence." He stated softly. "How could you let me find out like that?"

"What?" She could feel something that felt like a mixture of anxiety and anger building in her as she whispered: "You had no evidence...what did you process?"

"How could you not tell me?"

"Gil...please..." She took a step forward, but stopped as he glared at her.

"You knew who it was...you knew..." He shook his head. "How..."

She felt the tears in her eyes and tried desperately to keep them from falling. "Please..." She begged. "Please just stop..."

"Is it true?" He begged. "Was it Ecklie, Sara?"

Sara brought her hands up, closing her eyes as she pressed her fingers against them to keep the tears in. Her head throbbed, her throat hurt, and she felt like she was in a very bad nightmare. "Gil, please..."

"No, Sara." He pushed. "Did Ecklie do this to you? I need to know...."

Her reaction told him everything he needed to know "I can't..." she nearly gagged as she turned and rushed to the kitchen, where she bent over the sink to wait for the intense nausea to subside.

"Sara?" He was behind her, his hand gently rubbing her back.

She was crying, her body wracked with sobs as she realized that nothing would ever be the same again. He reached out, turning her to face him as he pulled her to him. "You need to tell me." He said, trying to keep his voice low "Did he do this to you?"

She was quiet as her sobs subsided. After a few moments he felt her nodding against him "Please tell me what I am supposed to do."

Her arms were around him before she finished speaking and she held him tightly, almost painfully as he buried his face in his hair, allowing himself to succumb to the overwhelming despair he felt.

And for the first time in his life, Gil knew what it felt like to have a rage capable of murder. It would be easy, he thought. No one would ever know

Gil was, after all, a lead CSI.


	4. Coming Together

**Chapter 4**

**Again, I own nothing. Just this fanfic. This is a short chapter; not sure what happens next. Please R &R**

Nick stood in the doorway, watching bemusedely as Ecklie kneeled on his hands and knees, feverishly scrubbing a spot on the carpeting of his office. After a few minutes of observation, Nick cleared his throat causing the Assistant Lab Director to jump and knock his head painfully on the underside of his desk.

As Nick chuckled with attempted silence, Ecklie clambered to his feet rubbing the back of his head. He glared at the young CSI as he tossed a soiled rag into the garbage. "You better have a damn good reason for coming into my office without knocking, Stokes" He barked "Otherwise I'll send your ass packing along with your two friends"

Nick opened his mouth, ready to argue that the door was wide open when he decided better of it. "Actually, Sir" He said with more respect than he had ever felt for the man. "I was just going to turn in my case file to you, seein' as you fired my boss."

Ecklie took two long strides across the room and yanked the file from his hands. "It doesn't pay to be a smart ass, Stokes" He growled. "Catherine is your supervisor from now on, you know that."

"Yes, Sir." Nick nodded. "Only when she's not here, protocol says I go to you." He grinned cheesily. "I'm just following protocol."

Ecklie squinted his eyes at him, silent for a moment. "Where the hell is Catherine?"

Nick shrugged as he turned away. "I don't know, Sir." He said with a grin, calling over his shoulder as he walked away. "You're the big boss, aren't you supposed to know that kind of thing?"

Ecklie boiled as he watched Nick walk off, storming back into his office to slam the door behind him, making sure that this time he locked it. He didn't know what the hell Catherine was doing and why she was no where around the lab, but right then he had other issues to deal with and the blood stain on the carpeting took more priority than the whereabouts of his lead CSI.

* * *

Catherine knocked on the bedroom door, waiting silently for an answer. When she received none, she pushed the door open to peek around and into the room. Sara sat on the bed, her back against the headboard as she hugged her legs against her chest; she said nothing as Catherine came in and Catherine was not sure she had even noticed her. 

"Hey" She said calmly as she walked toward the bed, stopping to stand awkwardly in the silent room. "I, uh...I brought you some clothes..." She held out the duffel bag briefly before lowering it back to her side. "Grissom... Gil...he asked me to stop by your place and get you some things...I hope you don't mind."

There was still no movement from the bed, Sara's head still down on the top of her knees. Feeling increasingly uncomfortable, Catherine fidgeted with the zipper on the duffel bag, wishing somehow that the floor would open up and swallow her whole. "Okay." She said as she strode to the bed to drop it on the soft covers. She stood staring at Sara for a moment before sighing. "Look...Sara..." Dropping her eyes, she took a deep breath "I'm sorry...I am really, really sorry."

"Why?" Sara mumbled into her arms without moving her head.

"I shouldn't have left without you" She said simply "I should have waited for you; we should have walked out together..."

Slowly, Sara lifted her head up to turn and look at Catherine. The sight of her made Catherine catch her breath momentarily despite herself and she silently cursed herself for it. "Why are you here?" Sara asked quietly

Catherine opened her mouth to respond and then looked down at her hands as she wrang them in her lap. "Gil asked me to get you some clothes..."

"No." Sara shook her head. "Why are you _here_?"

Catherine looked up at her. "Because you're my friend, Sara." She replied.

Sara nodded disbelievingly with a slight snort and put her had back down on her arms. "Thank you for the clothes." She said with a tone of dismissal, as if sending Catherine the hint that it was time to leave.

"Look, Sara..." Catherine tried, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I came all the way over here-"

"Then you can just go all the way back" Sara replied coolly.

"Alright. Fine." Catherine sighed as she stood up. "But, you're going to need someone to talk to... And I just want you to know that I am here and I will listen...anytime..."

"Great" Sara muttered as she wiped her eyes on her arm.

Catherine watched her for a moment, noting the way her body trembled; she was crying. She went around the bed and sat down in front of her waiting a moment as Sara still refused to look at her "You know, Sara," She began calmly. "When I woke up in that motel room that day, I thought I had been sexually assaulted...I didn't know what to do, who to call...I didn't tell anyone; I didn't talk to anyone...except you." She waited for a response and when she received none she continued. "I was scared...hell, terrified...to think that I could have let anything like that happen to me; I mean, I'm a criminologist Y'know?"

Sara again wiped her eyes across her arm before looking up at Catherine, silently scrutinizing her with her gaze. Taking a breath, Catherine continued "You were the only person that I knew I could trust; that I could talk to about it...who would not judge me or label me or look at me like..." she paused as she thought of a word "...like I was a tramp" she shrugged a little "...now, you may not think we are friends, Sara, but if we weren't would I have called you?" She paused a moment to wait before continuing. "I want to be that person for you now...I want to help you like you helped me...I _trust_ you...I want you to trust me"

Sara continued studying her, her gaze one of wariness and caution. "You are the one who sold me out to Ecklie." She stated flatly. "Why would I trust you?"

The sting shot through Catherine like a bolt of electricity. She balked, unsure of what to say. "Is that what you think?" She whispered

"You should just go home." Sara told her in the same flat tone. "I don't need your sympathy..."

"I am not here because of sympathy, Sara!" Catherine insisted in exasperation. "I came here because I'm concerned—"

"Save it" Sara replied as she put her head back on her arms.

Catherine sat staring at her a moment before taking a breath. "Okay." She said with determination. "Okay. You know what, Sara?" Her voice was getting a little louder, her words coming out faster as she spoke. "You wanna know about Ecklie? Fine, I'll tell you..." She stood up, brushing a frustrated hand through her hair. "Ecklie is an ass...a real controlling prick who uses humiliation, blackmail, and threats to get what he wants..." She looked down at Sara, who had lifted her head again to watch her. "You think I _wanted_ to tell him everything? You think I liked being his little mole?"

Sara stared at her. "He threatened you?"

"Look, Sara," Catherine said as she sat back down on the bed. "The last thing I ever wanted to do was tell that man anything."

"Why did you?"

Another deep breath and Catherine answered. "At first, he knew how much I needed my job; the money. He knew that Lindsey and I depended on every last cent that I made. He had the power to ruin me, and he would have, if I hadn't done whatever he asked." She shook her head as she played with her fingernails. "Then, after Sam left me the inheritance I tried to stop, I told him no more...forget it...get someone else...he threatened to have me fired, thrown out of Vegas. Said he'd dig up enough dirt on me to have my parental rights dissolved; said I'd never get another job anywhere, not even as a stripper..."

"My God, Catherine" Sara breathed. "I never knew..."

Catherine sniffled, trying hard not to cry. "No one knew" She replied. "I mean, who would have believed me anyway?" She looked up at Sara again, seeing the look on her face. "I mean, sure you and the guys, but the department?" She shook her head. "He's the Assistant Lab Director...he had enough crap thought up on me to destroy all of the cases I ever worked on; to destroy me completely. None of it was true, but he made sure it was believable." She took another breath. "He tried to get me to..." she stopped as if disgusted momentarily "...have sex with him once when we were alone, but I...I wouldn't; no way...so, he made me his little Tattle Monkey...that is why I was never alone with him unless the lab was full of people; that is why I always beat it out of there before everyone was gone..." She looked up at Sara, her eyes filling with tears. "That is why I left you there all alone, Sara...but I never..._I never_...thought he would do this to you...and I am so very, very sorry"

Sara watched her before leaning forward to pull her into a hug. Neither woman said anything for a few moments before pulling away. "Guess we both have a reason to hate him." Sara commented as she grabbed them both a tissue.

Catherine chuckled slightly. "I have always hated him." She said as she wiped at her eyes. "He's such a sleaze."

"How did you stop him?" Sara asked suddenly. "I tried. I really, really tried..." She was crying again and she hated herself for it. Why couldn't she stop crying?

"It never came to that." Catherine told her softly. "He never touched me, not aggressively anyway...I threatened to break his arm and he backed off...I have never been totally alone with him since."

"He grabbed me." Sara said as if to herself. "From behind..." she reached up, grabbing the back of her hair as though reliving the memory. "I tried. I really tried to stop him..." She reached up to her cheek. "He punched me..."

"Sara..." Catherine began as she reached out to take her friend's hand. "He beat the shit out of you; he's much stronger than you..."

"But I really, really tried..."

"You broke his nose."

Sara stopped, looking up at her with a sniffle. "Really?"

Catherine nodded. "Oh, yeah...says he ran into a door."

Sara looked down at her lap, whispering. "I don't know what I did. I keep thinking about it. About what I could've done to make him..." She stopped, swallowing hard. "To make him do this."

"Sara" Catherine began. "You didn't _do_ anything. Ecklie is a horrible man, and what he did to you...you did not do anything to deserve this."

Seeing the doubt in Sara's eyes, Catherine spoke again. "You need to file a statement; we need to press charges."

"No"

"Why? Don't you think he should have to pay for what he has done to you?"

"You said it yourself, Catherine" Sara replied, looking at her with sadness. "He's the Assistant Lab Director; who would believe me?"


	5. Inertia

**I do not own CSI; I am just filling a void for awhile. Trying to get to the end of this, sorry so long in between chapters. Work, school, family...floods...you know how it is.**

**Chapter 5: Inertia**

**(The typos at the end are intentional. They are meant to convey exactly how the words are being spoken)

* * *

**

"What is this I hear about you firing Dr. Gilbert Grissom?"

Conrad looked up to see Director Robert Covallo standing in the doorway to the evidence room, hands on hips. "You better have a damn good explanation, Conrad." He barked.

Glaring, Conrad slammed the door to the file container he'd been searching in. Appropriately, all of Sidle's evidence was missing, if there ever had been, and he could not find the surveillance video from the garage. Looking over at the director, he noticed the look on his face, but chose to ignore it. "Gil Grissom was out of line." He replied. "He attacked me in the hallway, he's been having a sexual relationship with a subordinate; who, by the way, has also been dismissed."

Covallo raised his eyebrows. "Those are some heavy allegations." He said reasonably. "Do you have any documentation to back this up or is your broken nose a result of Dr. Grissom's attack?"

Ecklie pursed his lips as he glared at the man. "No." He said. "I ran into a door, that is how I broke my nose. But Grissom physically attacked me in the hallway yesterday afternoon and I took appropriate action."

"You never filed a report."

Ecklie sighed heavily, his patience wavering. "No, I didn't." He snapped. "But I have over 10 cases that need to be solved and a lab staff that is reluctant to process without my constant goading. Those are my priorities."

"Your _priorities_," Covallo snapped. "Are doing your job correctly. Terminating our top supervisor without adequate cause and lack of documented historical behavior is not protocol, Conrad."

"Assaulting a superior is grounds for immediate termination." Conrad replied in an angry tone. "As anyone here and they will tell you what happened. I did nothing to provoke Grissom, Nick Stokes had to pull him off of me; I believe that is adequate cause."

"Alright." Covallo nodded as he shoved his hands in his pockets. "I will speak to CSI Stokes and the others. But I have not seen any documentation stating that Dr. Grissom has been involved romantically or otherwise with any of his subordinates. You cannot terminate based on speculation, Conrad."

"_I am NOT speculating!"_ He erupted. "Gil Grissom has been sexually involved with CSI Sidle for well over a year now, and that involvement has corrupted his ability to respond reasonably as a supervisor. Documented or not, it is against policy."

"I want to see the documentation." Covallo replied, beginning to turn away. "Involvement is not grounds for termination; disciplinary review perhaps, but not termination. I'll speak to the others about the attack. But if I do not find what I am looking for Conrad, I expect both Dr. Grissom's _and_ CSI Sidle's positions reinstated by the end of the week."

"Are you implying that I am lying, Covallo?" Conrad seethed.

Turning to look at him, Covallo's look was one of extreme indignation. "Just get me the documentation, Conrad...and I expected by end of shift."

* * *

Gil pulled into the driveway shortly 2 in the afternoon and he found himself relieved that Sara's car was still parked near the curb in front of the townhouse. He had left while she was speaking with Catherine, having been called in to speak with Director Covallo about reinstating his position at the lab. The director had been apologetic; offering his support to both Gil and Sara should she agree to take her position back.

There would be an inquiry, the director had said, to determine exactly what had occurred but in the meantime, both he and Sara would begin their regular shifts the following evening. Gil did not tell him that he did not think Sara would be coming back; and he did not mention Ecklie's attack on her. The less that anyone knew, the less suspicion would be elicited when Conrad disappeared.

Gil had been, when he received the call from Covallo, researching various forensic methods that were the most difficult to trace to the origination of a homicide. He realized that perhaps he was soon to be guilty of pre-meditated murder, but he knew also that he was justified in his actions. Regardless, he did not plan on leaving any evidence behind to facilitate the discovery of Conrad Ecklie's body, or whatever might be left of it.

Entering the house, he found the silence ominously foreboding. Placing his keys on the front foyer table, he made his way into the front room just as Sara came down the stairs, keys and duffel bag in hand.

She stopped and looked at him, her eyes dropping to stare at a spot just in front of his shoes. "Where are you going?" He asked her as he took a step forward.

"To my apartment..."

"You need to stay here." He replied firmly, taking another step towards her. "With me..."

"Why?"

Her question surprised him and he opened his mouth to reply, unable to speak any words that sounded remotely logical. "So I can protect you." He stated almost forcefully. "Because I didn't protect you before..."

"You didn't want me." She said with quiet accusation as she lifted her eyes to bore them into him. "So don't tell me something that makes you feel better just because it sounds good."

"Honey..." He breathed, her words stinging him as though they were a sharp bladed knife.

"Don't call me that." Quietly, almost angrily. "Please don't ever call me that."

He sighed, lifting his head slowly to gaze at her as she stared back down to avoid eye contact.

"Okay." He sighed, knowing that she was angry and that she had every right to that anger. "Okay; I'm sorry..." He said with a nod.

"I want to go home." She said in the same accusatory tone.

"I think you should stay here, at least for awhile...until you are feeling better."

"I do feel better." Still, she refused to look at him, her focus sternly on floor. "And I do not want your sympathy and I do not want you to look at me and I do not want you to touch me. I want to go back to my apartment."

"It's not safe at your apartment..." he took another step towards her, reaching out for her hand.

She recoiled with an anger that startled him. "_It wasn't safe at my apartment before!"_ She suddenly yelled. "And you never seemed to care then; so why the _hell_ would you suddenly care now!?" She swung her arms up in a frustrated motion. "Oh, wait, I know!" She laughed with mock realization, her tone bitter and animistic. _"Because I was raped by Conrad Ecklie and I let it happen! ME!"_ She glared at him, the tears in her eyes spilling over onto her cheeks. "I could have fought...I could have fought a lot harder than I did and now every time you look at me, every time you touch me...you will see Conrad. And do you know what is worse, Gilbert?" She asked with a tone of sorrow that broke his heart. "What is worse is that everytime you touch me, I will feel Conrad Ecklie...so you can tell me that you want to protect me, but the truth is you just want to pacify the image of your biggest _adversary _out of your mind and off of my skin...and _God help me_ I have tried to scrub it off." She shook her head sadly. "And I know that I cannot live with that...I don't know how you expect me to believe that you can...especially when a month ago you didn't want me at all."

She went to the door and opened it, turning to look at him one final time. "I don't need you to suddenly be my Knight in Shining Armor." She told him sadly. "Because really, Gilbert, you are much too late for that."

* * *

He had stood motionless as she walked out, listening to the sound of the door slamming behind her, the muffled echo of her car door as she slammed it shut. All the while he had just stood, feeling the vacuum swallowing him whole. He had gone immediately to the phone, dialing Catherine's phone number.

"What did you do to Sara?" He barked into the phone.

"What?" Catherine mumbled in return. It was three o'clock in the afternoon, midnight to a graveyard CSI, and she had been sleeping.

"_Sara"_ He spat. "What did you do to her?"

"Gil-" She replied. "Do you know what time it is?"

'_What did you do to Sara, Catherine?"_

She sighed and sat up, rubbing at her eyes. "I talked to her, Gil...isn't that what you asked me to do?"

"No, Catherine." He replied in a testy voice. "What did you _say_ to her?"

"I think that is sort of private..."

"_Like HELL it is!" _He exploded. "I need to know _exactly_ what happened with you and Sara!"

As she felt herself come more alert, Catherine also felt the anxiety in his voice. Gil Grissom never acted this way. "Gil, what happened?"

"I want him dead, Catherine." He replied in a tone that sent chills through her. "I know I shouldn't say that; hell, I know I'll probably pay for it. But, I want him dead for what he did to her."

"Okay, alright..." She said cautiously. "Tell me what happened, okay? Just tell me what's going on?"

"If I knew that" He replied. "I wouldn't be calling you right now."

* * *

Nick sped through the intersection, ignoring the angry honks of the other cars as they slammed their brakes to avoid hitting him. As far as he was concerned, they could all just go to hell.

After what seemed like an eternity, he pulled up in front of Sara's apartment building, skidding his truck to a stop as he threw the door open. She had called him just a few minutes before, her voice sounding slurred and incoherent. When he asked her what had happened, she had only laughed with drugged hysteria and told him that in a few minutes it wouldn't really matter any more.

Even without her saying it, he knew that Sara had tried to kill herself.

They had all been asking about her, knowing that something just was not right. She had not been at work in three days and did not answer her phone or her cell phone; all visits to her apartment had come up empty handed. They had asked Catherine, several times, what was going on. Her responses, when given, were guarded and vague even when Warrick had pointed out Ecklie's behavior, Gil's attack on Ecklie and the fact that Gil and his 'girlfriend' had been fired.

It didn't take a genius to figure out that Sara was that girlfriend.

Running up the stairs, he pulled the key she had given him a few months before out of his pocket. She had gone on a weekend outing with a friend and had asked him to water her houseplants while she was gone; he was thankful now that he had forgotten to give her the key back.

"Sara?" He called out into the quiet apartment. "Hey, Sar?"

Closing the door behind him, he made his way through the semi-darkened room. "Sara, sweetheart, c'mon? Where are you?"

He made his way into the bedroom, stopping when he spotted her as she sat curled up in a ball in the far corner of the room. She wore a dark gray sweatshirt, the hood pulled up and around her head, her pajama clad legs pulled up to her chest.

"Hey..." he said softly as he came in to kneel in front of her. She had her hands on her knees, palms up, with her forehead rested firmly against them. "Sweetheart? Sara?" He reached out tentatively to grasp the fingers on one hand as they lay softly against the fabric of the hood of the sweatshirt. They were cold and clammy. "C'mon, darlin'...can you look at me?...Sara?"

She was quiet a moment and when she spoke, her words were heavily slurred and quiet, muffled by the fabric. "Leave me alone..." she mumbled. "I jus' wanna be alone..."

"No, Sara..." He whispered as he pulled gently on the fingers of her hand. "I need you to look at me, okay? C'mon and look at me..."

"Nooooo..." She responded without moving her head. "Nooooo...don't...don't lookit me...don't ever look at me..."

"Did you take something?" He asked her, shaking her hand slightly to try and get her to look up at him. She didn't respond and he could hear her quiet gasps as she pressed her head harder against her palms.

"I jus' want it all to go away." She said quietly, her voice becoming more distorted. "Why won't he just let it go away?"

"What do you want to go away?" He asked quietly, reaching out to lay a hand softly on the top of her hooded head.

"Me..." She replied simply. "I hate this...I hate feeling this...it wont wash off. I can't wash it off...I tried...I really tried..."

"Sara..." He began, feeling his anxiety increase as her voice become more heavily slurred.

"I doan'd like this..." She groaned. "Oh, Nickeeee...I doan like this..."

"Sara," He said, trying to push her head up from her knees. "Sara? What did you take? What did you take, Sara?"

Scrambling, he glanced around the room. It was just becoming dusk and the light filtering in through the window blinds cast a muted shadow across her bedroom. Spotting something on the bed, Nick clambered across it to grab the empty bottle as he reached out to turn on her bedside light. _Oxycodone._

'_Shit'_ He thought desperately as he scrambled back over to Sara. "Did you take this?" He demanded his fear increasing. "_Sidle__! Did you take this?" _He reached out for her, grabbing her shoulders to shake her roughly. As he did, her hands dropped from her face and he stared at her, momentarily frozen by the bruising around her cheek. Frozen in position, he looked her over, reaching out to take the hood off of her head.

"Oh, my God..." He breathed. "What happened to you? Did someone do this to you?"

"Nooooo..." She begged as she tried weakly to push him away. "I didint want too... Please...doan'd Nicky...please..."

"You need to tell me what happened to you!" He demanded, starting to feel the anger seeping in with his panic. "What the hell happened?!" He shook her just a little, her sedated head flopping with the motion. "Come _ON_, Sara!"

"I jus' want it to go away..." She mumbled as her eyes began to close. "...I assked 'im not too...didint wan'im, too...I didint...I tried...please..." She began crying a quiet half-asleep sound as she began to fade out "...I tried...I doan'd wanna die Nicky...please...please doan'd let me die..."

He stood, lifting her light form with him as her head flopped against his chest. Rushing from her apartment, he ran down the stairs, struggling with the door to his pick up as he opened it to place her carefully inside. He needed to get her to the trauma center to get the medication out of her system, and he wasn't sure how long ago she had taken it.

Once he had her in he ran around to his side, jumping in to start the engine and put the truck in gear. He glanced over at Sara, as she lay slumped against the door, her eyes rolled back and partially closed.

"C'mon, Darlin'..." he begged as he reached out for her hand. "Stay with me, Sara...stay with me!"

Grabbing his phone, he hit Greg's speed dial. "Sanders." Greg greeted on the other end. "Today's special is hamburger on highway 101..."

"_Greg!"_ He cut off. "Meet me at the Trauma Center on 14th..."

"Nicky, my main man! I am in the middle of a very interesting road rage scene..."

"I have Sara..."

"What?" Greg suddenly snapped out of his happy babble. "What do you mean?"

"She took some pills." Nick responded. "She doesn't look good, Greg...someone beat the shit out of her...just...just meet me there, man..." He glanced over at Sara again, at the dark bruising of her skin and felt himself boiling with anger as he looked down at the pill bottle with Grissom's name on the side of it. "And get Grissom there, too..."

* * *


	6. Momentum

**I do not own CSI or any of these characters.**

**Chapter 6: Momentum.**

**Thank you all for the great reviews. Remember, any mistakes are my own as I have no Beta (and, I just made up the Vegas West Trauma Center. Don't think it really exists)

* * *

**Nick stood outside trauma room #4, his forehead placed against the cold glass of the small window. Inside, Sara lay among the array of nurses and counselors, her head turned stubbornly away from all of them as they attempted to convince her that everything was alright. Nick knew, just as well as he knew Sara Sidle, that she wasn't buying any of it.

It had been just over an hour since hey had gotten Sara in and had rushed her back immediately, pumping her full of black liquid to absorb the lethal level of drugs she had taken. He had stayed with her, holding her hand and trying to comfort her as they shoved a tube down her throat, essentially vacuuming out the contents of her stomach. She had vomited, several times, as he held her hair back; soothing her calmly as she shook violently. In all of his life he thought he would never live through anything as traumatic as that again; there was something unspeakably horrible about watching your best friend being brought back from an attempted suicide.

Nick thought that he would never look at the color black the same again.

He watched silently as the hospital chaplain went into Sara's room, standing before her with his Holy Book clasped in his hands. As he watched, Sara turned away from the man, curling up into a ball on her side to face away from all of them.

"Leave her alone" He said to the door before pushing his way into her room. "Why don't you all just leave her alone?" He said aloud, eliciting glances from those in the room. Nick looked over at the chaplain and nodded. "No, offense...it's just that I think she's had enough for today, that's all."

The chaplain returned the nod as he headed for the door, stopping so that he was shoulder to shoulder with Nick. "Just tell her that I am available anytime, if she needs me."

Nick waited as the nurse gave Sara a sedative, wondering why it was that they found it necessary to give a drug overdose victim sedatives. Once everyone had gone, Nick went around the bed and grabbed a chair, glancing over at her, as she lay curled on her side in a ball. "So," he said as he scooted the chair closer to her, leaning in so that his elbows were braced on his knees. "You wanna tell me about it?"

She was quiet, staring ahead at nothing in particular. "No?" He said carefully. "Sara, I can't help you through this if you won't talk to me"

She shifted her eyes to look at him. "No one can help me through this." She told him, her voice hoarse.

She dropped her gaze, staring ahead at a spot on the wall directly through his chest. Nick sighed, looking down at his hands before back at her. "You wanna at least tell me about Grissom?"

Her eyes closed and he watched her carefully for what seemed like minutes before he reached out to place a hand on her hair, running his fingers through it soothingly. "Sara?"

"I don't want him to come here." She told him as a tear slid out below her eyelid to slowly trickle down her cheek. "I don't want him to look at me"

"Sara..."

"I don't want to be a victim." She said, swallowing. "Victims die; they get killed by their assailants. And if they don't die, the people who love them look at them differently; they feel sorry for them and soon that sympathy replaces the love and then all they have left is someone who is with them just because they feel bad...and not because they love them."

"I wouldn't look at you like that, Sar."

"No." She said sadly. "But Gil does."

He stopped his motion through her hair momentarily as his eyes locked with hers. "Is that why you took the pills? Because of Grissom?"

She licked her lips, her tired eyes full of sorrow as she shook her head slightly. "I don't know...maybe, okay?"

"What did he do, Sara?" He asked softly, encouragingly. "What did he do to make you do this?"

"He made me a victim" She told him sadly.

His jaw clenched involuntarily as he felt a quiet rage boiling inside of him. "Who?"

She returned her gaze to the invisible spot through his chest and he could see the wall building behind her eyes. "I don't want you to hate me"

"Oh, come on Sweetheart" he said "I could never hate you...never...you know that right?" When she nodded, he continued, hating himself for the question he was about to ask "But I need to know...did Grissom do this?"

"Oh, God..no...No, Nicky..."

He felt a wave of relief wash through him "You gonna tell me who did?"

"I don't know if you'd believe me..."

"Try me" He smiled softly, trying to encourage her

"I went in..." she started sleepily as the sedative began to take affect "...to talk to him after shift. I thought it was because of my attitude...I wish...I'd have just left..."

Nick felt his mind going into over time, processing what she had told him "Ecklie?"

She nodded,her eyes spilling over with tears "I don't know what to do..."

Nick felt a cold shudder go through him, his chest momentarily feeling as though someone had poured cold ice inside his skin. The hair on the back of his neck stood up as he felt anger he had never felt before. He lifted his head to look down at her, but her eyes were closed and her breathing leveled out, the sedative having done its job.

He pushed away from her side as if burned by fire, staring at her a moment before bolting towards the door. As he threw the door open, he ran full force into Greg as he came in, nearly knocking him to the ground.

"What the---" Greg began as Nick glared at him.

"I'll kill him." Nick seethed. "I'm gonna blow his fucking head off."

* * *

Catherine glanced in the rearview mirror, noting the dark sedan that veered through traffic behind her. Looking ahead, she gripped the steering wheel as she depressed the accelerator; she was only a few blocks from Lindsay's recital and if she drove a little faster, he wouldn't be able to catch up to her before she got there.

Rounding a corner, she took the small side street towards the school when suddenly he was beside her, yanking his car to a screeching halt in front of her. It was all she could do to keep from taking his fender off with the front of her car.

She went to put her car in reverse just as he grabbed the door handle, banging violently on her window as he screamed at her. "Open the door, Catherine!"

She stared at him, putting the car into park. "Leave me alone, Conrad."

"Open the God Damn door!" He bellowed, yanking on the handle.

Catherine paused before shifting the car into reverse, backing up only slightly; after what he did to Sara, there was no way in hell she would open her door for him. Instead of letting go of the handle as she had hoped he would, he began slamming his arm into her window, screaming at her the entire duration.

"_Open your God Damn door, Willows!"_ He demanded. "_Open this fucking door before I bust this window and pull your sorry ass out!"_

Catherine felt herself beginning to panic, despite her best efforts to stay calm. Shaking, she held her hand up towards him. Just as she was about to slam her foot down on the accelerator, Ecklie's arm crashed through the window and he grabbed her roughly by the hair. Pulling her towards him, he shook her slightly. "Don't you _ever_ fucking ignore me Willows! _EVER_!"

"Conrad!" She exclaimed. "_Please_..."

"I know you've been talking to Sidle" He seethed. "Where _the hell_ is she?"

"I don't know!" She told him, holding her arms up as though in surrender.

"_DON'T FUCKING LIE TO ME_!" He screamed, shaking her again.

"I am not lying!" She insisted, trying to fight off the extreme panic she was feeling. "God, Conrad, please! I am not lying!"

Just then a car came around the corner, stopping a few yards behind Catherine's car. Ecklie glanced over, giving out a low growl before letting her go. "You just remember..." he seethed. "...Remember what you have to lose if you fuck me over, Willows." He stood, straightening his jacket as he glared at the driver behind Catherine. "Sidle is a problem; she's nothing but a lying little bitch and I expect you to remember that when it comes time to choosing your priorities." With that he turned and stalked to his car, glaring at her as he climbed in to speed away.

Catherine sat, her breathing coming out in rapid intakes as she waited for her heart to slow down. Her hands were trembling as she stuck her arm out the shattered window to wave the other driver by. Once the car had gone around her, she reached up to wipe away something on her cheek; when she pulled her hand away and so blood, she put her head down on the steering wheel and began to cry.

* * *

Gil listened to the steady tone of Sara's phone as he called her for the 10th time; and for the 10th time she didn't answer. Sighing, he placed the phone next to him on the passenger seat, his gaze falling on the intersection across from where he sat parked. Ecklie would be going into the lab soon; he would be stopping by the coffee shop to get a tall skinny white chocolate mocha. He would go to the news stand and buy a magazine, perhaps a New York Times. Then, he would climb in his car and go to the lab, parking in his usual spot while he read the magazine and drank the coffee.

Gil sat waiting, knowing that somewhere between the New York Times and the parking garage, Ecklie would pass through this intersection. He sat focused, staring at the road in front of him intently, his anger growing as he waited.

Gil always knew that deep down inside him there was an angry man waiting to get out. He never imagined that the angry man would be capable of cold blooded murder.

Then again, he never imagined that he would ever be so incredibly, completely, obsessively in love with Sara. And he never, _ever_ thought that anyone would ever hurt the only person in his life that he would kill for.

_'Reasons for temporary insanity'_ He thought. _'He hurt my Sara...I had to kill him...I had to...'_

And not just kill him; rip him from limb to limb slowly. Make him scream like she must have screamed. _'I want to kill him with my bare hands'_ He thought._ 'Beat him to death. Beating him to death would be good. Just fucking kill him'_

He waited and watched and just as he saw Conrad's car enter the intersection, his phone rang. Cursing, he slammed his foot on the accelerator as he flew into the intersection, barely missing another car as he swung around to follow Conrad's lead. "Grissom" He barked into his phone.

"Is this Doctor Gilbert Grissom?" A woman's voice asked him.

'_Who the hell else would answer the phone with 'Grissom'?" _He thought. "Yes, it is" He said almost irritably.

"Dr. Grissom," She continued. "This is Vegas West Trauma Center. You are listed as the emergency contact for Sara Sidle?"

He felt his heart skip a beat as it caught in his throat. "Yes..."

"Dr. Grissom, Ms. Sidle was brought in earlier this evening. We have been trying to call you..."

"What's wrong with Sara?" He demanded, pulling his car over to the curb.

"Ms. Sidle was brought in for an overdose, Dr. Grissom" The woman explained. "She's okay right now, but we need you to come down and sign some paper..."

He hung up; closing the phone with a click as he sat staring out the window at the rain that seemed to be drenching his life as well as Las Vegas.


	7. Anger

**I do not own CSI; but I do love to write about it. Putting these poor characters into all kinds of different situations is somewhat relaxing; thought I'd hate to be any of these characters sometimes! **

**Quick update; I know it has been forever. New job, finished my MBA, lots of hectic stuff going on. This isn't as long as some, but more coming. Hope you enjoy (But please don't yell at me about "out of character" moments. I think it is important sometimes to explore different 'personalities' of these characters) :)  
**

* * *

Sara sat with her head pressed against the window, staring out at the rain outside. She had barely blinked as Gil slammed the car door, frustrated with her refusal to even utter the smallest acknowledgment of his questions. Of course, she knew, he was probably angry with the entire event and knew that having to force her to leave the hospital with him was probably the leading cause of his anger

_Fuck it. It wasn't like she gave a damn._

_Really_

She watched as a raindrop slid down the window of his car, making its slow journey to be merged with a larger drop on the lower frame. She wondered what happened to that rain drop's independence, its freedom, and thought how her life was somewhat like that raindrop.

He came back out of her apartment, overnight bags in his arms. She didn't bother to look at him as he went to the back of the car, opening the trunk to put her things in before climbing into the driver's seat. He looked over at her, sighing, before putting the key in the ignition and starting the car.

He paused before putting the vehicle in gear, looking at her again "I wish you would not ignore me, Sara." He had had to fight to get her out of the hospital, had literally had to defend his position as her 'friend' as opposed to the abusive domestic partner they believed he was. Even friend, he realized by Sara's behavior, was pushing his limits and he instead signed her out as her "immediate supervisor". It had been, in his opinion, an utter nightmare and knew that they still equated Sara's battered appearance to an 'abusive relationship'; it had taken all of his patience to convince them otherwise

Studiously observing another slow rain drop, she did not move, concentrating instead on the water outside and desperate to join the rain drops in their migration to a larger formation. She would have given anything to be that raindrop right now

"Can you at least look at me?" He asked, his voice tinged with a sad desperation.

She closed her eyes as the raindrop was sucked into the forming water ball along with the others but did not say anything. He sighed again, loudly, before slamming the car in reverse and nearly skidding out of the parking spot, causing the water ball to slide off of the window frame to scatter beyond her sight.

_Yep. Just like my life_ She thought as she again closed her eyes.

They drove to his townhouse in silence and he pulled in front, turning the ignition off and climbing out of the car. He went around to the trunk and took her bags out before coming back to the driver's side to open the door and look in at her. "Are you going to at least get out of the car?"

Sara couldn't help but wonder how long she would have to ignore him before he went away. She remembered being brought to a group home as a teenager in between foster homes, her caseworker frustrated with her and leaving her in the car to "figure it out". Sara had bolted, running off down the street where she ended up holed out for nearly a week before they found her. She wondered now how far she could run now and if Gil would even bother to find her.

"Sara?"

"I heard you" She said without moving her head from the window

"I am not going to just leave you here"

"Why?" She snipped "I'm not going anywhere"

"Get out of the car, Sara"

"I am not a prisoner, Gilbert" She replied with coldness, motioning towards his townhouse "I don't see why I need to stay here"

Again, he sighed and she had the urge to sigh back. "We went through this already" He said with careful calculation "You need to stay with someone, at least until you are well enough to be alone"

"That's stupid"

"So is trying to kill yourself" He replied sharply. "Now just get out of the damn car"

"No"

He replied with anger that both surprised and scared her "Maybe I should just take you to the damn psychiatric hospital, then!" He seethed "Would that make you feel _better_?!"

She looked at him, finally, her eyes cutting through him. "Take me there, then" She said, her voice breaking "At least it would be away from here"

He saw the tears forming before she had a chance to look away, covering her eyes with one hand as she began to sob and his anger immediately began ebbing away. He knew that of all of the things in all of the world that he could have said to her, he had chosen the absolute worst; angry or not, it was uncalled for. Dropping her bags he looked down as he leaned on the car to gain his composure, his head against his arm before he went around to her side, opening the door to kneel down next to her.

"Sara..." He said quietly as she sat with her hand over her face as she tried desperately to stop her tears. "Honey, please...I'm sorry..."

She continued to sob, choking sounds that cut off her oxygen supply and made her entire body shake. He reached out, brushing a hand through her hair and was taken aback as she jumped away, holding one hand up at him as she cried. "Don't..." she choked "Just don't..."

He stopped, looking away before back at her "I just don't know what you want me to do" He said with defeat.

"Just...leave me...alone..." She choked out, the words coming between gasps. "I--don't--know--what's--wrong with me..."

His heart broke at the sight of her and he found himself at a loss for what to do. His knees were killing him, but he did not dare to move from his perched spot. He looked around them at the empty streets, the darkness of the evening closing in around them as the light rain continued to fall "Well, I cannot just leave you alone" he said, trying to sound reaffirming.

Her hand still over her face, she began calming down, her breaths still coming in short gasps. "I don't...want to stay here..." She said through her sucking breaths

Reaching out, he grabbed a napkin from the glove box and placed it in her hand, afraid to touch her again. Despite his turmoil over her emotional state, he felt himself getting frustrated. "I do not know where else you are going to go" He stated with more patience than he really felt

She took a breath, wiping her eyes with the napkin, as she kept her face covered. "I am not going to stay here" She said "This isn't... where I belong..."

He felt himself losing it and clenched his jaws, looking down at the ground before back at her. "And in the hospital having your stomach pumped _is_ where you belong?" He snapped. Standing slowly, he grabbed her arm; he'd had enough. "You're staying here, Sara" He said forcefully "Whether you want to or not really isn't your option right now, so get out of the fucking car"

Steel, red-rimmed brown eyes met his as she hesitated only momentarily before allowing herself to be pulled out of his car, the door slammed shut behind her. He held onto her as he went around to pick up her bags, leading her into the house where he gently shoved her inside. He said nothing the entire time, letting her go as he went into the bedroom to drop her things on the bed.

She stood, completely still in the entryway to his home, her urge to bolt stronger than ever. As he came back in, he barely acknowledged her as he brushed past her to slam the front door. "Maybe you should take a shower." He said, looking at her curtly "I'll make us something to eat and then we can discuss what your options are." He nodded, his voice softening "But, I will be damned if I am going to allow what Conrad did to you to ruin us, Sara. I am not going to fight with you and I am not going to allow you to hate me. So, let's both calm down and discuss this like normal people, okay?"

She wanted to tell him that she did not want to discuss anything with him, she wanted to tell him that nothing could stop her from hating him because she hated everyone right then, and she wanted to tell him that he had no right to tell her what her options were or were not. As a matter of fact, she wanted to tell him to go to hell. Instead, she nodded without a word and went past him, heading down the hallway where she disappeared into his room. A few minutes later he heard the shower running and went into the kitchen for a shot of Scotch before beginning dinner.

Two hours earlier, he had been lividly prepared to take someone's life. Now, he was just trying to hold his together; just for awhile. The overwhelming conundrum of emotions he was feeling was washing over him like a tidal wave. He loved Sara; his heart ached for everything she had gone through, for the fact that he was partially to blame. He did not protect her; he'd allowed someone else to touch her, to hurt her. So, why did he suddenly feel such animosity towards the woman he should have protected?

On second thought, he would have another shot of Scotch.

Forty-five minutes later they sat at the table, each absorbed in silence as they ate. He watched as she pushed around the food on her plate, having not taken a single bite; the only thing she had done, he noticed, was to make an interesting shape out of the vegetarian pasta he'd prepared.

That and down an entire bottle of beer and was working on the second

He watched her for a moment, noting that even though the swelling had gone down around her eye, the right side of her face was a dark purple nearly matching that of her neck. "It helps if you actually eat it" He commented, motioning toward her dish. When she made no move or response, he continued "I know you haven't eaten anything in days, Sara...you have to be famished"

Her eyes bore through him while she took another swallow of beer. "I don't feel hungry"

"When under great duress, the body can hide those things from you" He replied, trying to avoid her eyes. "Would you care for something else?"

She was quiet, staring at the food in front of her for a long while before looking at him. "My mother used to always say that ice cream had the power to make everything bad go away" She said, her voice somewhat hoarse. "I don't know if that is true..."

He put his own fork down on his plate, pushing it away "I have ice cream. Remember? That chocolate cherry stuff we bought..."

Her mouth nearly turned up in a smile "Yeah..."

"Shall we?"

She nodded, pushing her plate away and standing with him to head to the freezer. They prepared sundaes in silence, glancing at each other occasionally as they piled on whipped cream, nuts and chocolate before heading to his couch where they sat, each against the opposite arm.

After a bite, she closed her eyes as the cool cream slid down her throat. "Now, _this_ is just what I needed."

"Guess I should have just made this for dinner"

She looked at him, this time her eyes free from accusation "I'm sorry; you went through all that work..."

"Not really" He admitted. "Everything was pretty much pre-prepared in a can or bag"

She smiled at him softly "I don't hate you, Gil"

He looked down. "I know that you are very angry..." He said, looking back at her "And I think you have every right to that anger, even if it is directed at me"

She took another bite of her sundae as she thought. "I am angry at everyone."

He nodded "Is that why you tried to kill yourself?"

She sighed "I don't know" She admitted. "I don't even remember taking the pills. I was drinking, I remember that. By the time I ran out of mixer, I was drunk enough to just drink straight out of the bottle. The last thing I really remember is dropping the bottle out my kitchen window. But I do not remember the pills"

"You nearly died..."

"I know!" She insisted "I know, okay? It isn't like I would have ever done anything like that normally. I would never try to kill myself...not knowingly...you know that, right?"

He did not say anything, trying hard to remain objective. "I am not sure what I know"

"I just can't stand the way you look at me." She admitted quietly

"How do I look at you?"

"With pity" She said, looking into her bowl "And I know that you will say that isn't so, but it is sitting here right between the two of us and I don't think any amount of alcohol or any number of pills will make it go away."

He put his bowl onto the coffee table, clasping his hands in front of himself as he tried to think of something to say. He suddenly felt like he wanted to be sucked inside a giant vacuum into space where there was no sound or sight at all. "That isn't what I feel..."

"Yes, it is." She insisted. "Look, I did a dumb thing, okay? I went off the deep edge and took a bunch of pills and drank a whole bottle of Vodka...hell, I don't even _remember_ taking the pills. But, I do know that I wanted to get so drunk that I forgot about everything...to forget about you"

"Sara..."

"No, Gilbert." She stopped him. "You can tell me whatever you want, but there is nothing you can do to take away this elephant that has moved in between us because everytime you look at me, you are looking through that elephant" At his silence, she continued "I see it in your eyes. Everytime you look at me. I used to love your eyes; they show everything you are feeling. Well, now...they show nothing but sympathy and regret...and there is nothing I can do to change that"

He listened to everything she said with great attention, listening intently to every single syllable and enunciation, not missing a hint of any incantations. She was talking to him, and he did not want to miss anything she said "So, you tried to kill yourself."

"No..." she said with frustration "I don't know...I just...everything is so screwed up right now and I just don't know what I feel. One second I am angry, the next I am depressed. Half the time I just don't feel anything...I just don't care. But, mostly I am angry."

They were quiet as the ticking of the clock filled the room. "What can we do to fix this...to fix us?"

"I don't know"

In a single action he moved next to her, taking the bowl out of her hands to set it on the table as he pulled her onto his lap. He held her close, his face against her hair, relieved that she did not pull away or stiffen. "I love you, Sara" He said softly "And I just really want to hold you right now...just promise you'll stay with me, just for now..."

He felt her nod against him and he closed his eyes, breathing in the scent of her hair. Kissing the top of her head, he lay down, holding her pressed closely against his chest as her head rested on his shoulder.

She lay still, feeling the comfort of his strong arms around her as he held her as though his life depended on it. She could feel his heart beating, the sound lulling her into relaxation. As he kissed the top of her head, she closed her eyes and drifted to sleep as their dinner went cold and the ice cream melted on the table next to them.

* * *

_Three hours earlier:_

"You think you could slow down?" Greg yelled, gripping the seat of Nick's truck as though letting go would propel him through the window. It was rush hour in Vegas, and Nick was going at least double the speed limit as he bounded around vehicles; even driving down the center median to get around stopped traffic

Nick's jaws were clenched as he swerved around a semi, causing Greg to gasp. "Dude!" Greg yelled again "You're going to get us both killed!"

"You know, Greg" Nick seethed "I think I'll just beat his head in, leave him for dead somewhere. We could hide it, y'know? We're CSI's after all...no one would know..."

"You can't just go beat up Ecklie!" Greg insisted "You don't even know what happened!"

"LIKE HELL I DON'T!" Nick erupted "Did you see her? DID YOU _SEE_ HER?" Before Greg could respond, his explosive babble continued "He beat the shit out of her! He raped her, Greg! Do you realize that? Do you know that?"

Still clinging to his seat, Greg felt dumbstruck. "Did she tell you that?"

"Yes!"

"But, she was under the influence of sedatives" Greg insisted "It doesn't make sense, Nick. Why would Ecklie do that? Maybe Sara was hallucinating; maybe she wasn't thinking straight..."

"No. She knew what she was saying"

"What about Grissom?"

"I don't know!" He yelled, taking the exit towards downtown "But I know that Sara almost died and it is because of that sleaze bag Ecklie!"

"And you think that killing Ecklie will make that better?"

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?" Nick exploded. "Do you just not give a shit or what?"

"I just think that you need to slow down and think rationally!" Greg shot back "You're a CSI for God's sake! You think Sara would want you running off and doing something stupid? Don't you think she has enough to deal with without you adding to her problems?"

"Her problem is Conrad Ecklie" Nick responded "If you do not want to help me deal with him, then I'll just let you out right up here"

Greg was quiet. He could not in all sanity allow his friend to go through with this. But, he also could not allow Conrad Ecklie to get away with what he had done, if he had done it. He did not know what to think; his mind was clouded with confusion and nothing seemed clear. Before he could respond, Nick's truck suddenly swerved and Greg felt himself jolted forward as the front end made contact with another vehicle. Greg looked up in time to see Conrad Ecklie glaring at him from behind the wheel of his sedan

Nick was out of the truck, bounding towards Ecklie who opened his car door to climb out. As soon as the man had his seat belt undone, Nick had him, yanking him from the car with force as he shoved him against the frame. Greg was just scrambling out of the truck as Nick's fist met Conrad's jaw, sending him to the ground where Nick picked up a leg to kick him square in the side. The sound of sirens could be heard as bystanders called police and Greg was out, grabbing Nick's shoulders to pull him away.

"Nick!" He screamed "Stop! You need to stop!"

Nick fought him off as Conrad wiped his jaw, staggering to a standing position. No sooner had he gotten his footing than Nick broke free, slamming his fist into him again. "COME ON!" He screamed "FIGHT BACK! _FIGHT ME BACK_!" He hit him again, sending him against the frame of the car again "IT'S NOT SO EASY WHEN IT ISN'T A WOMAN, IS IT?!" Nick continued, hitting him again "HIT ME BACK YOU FUCKING COWARD!"

The police cruiser skidded to a stop as Nick moved forward again, this time being tackled by the officer who jumped out of the car. He threw Nick to the ground as Greg sank against the truck, covering his face. He looked over at Conrad who was wiping blood from his face, glaring over at him.

"You want to take me, too!" Conrad yelled over at him and Greg simply stared back, everything around him moving in slow motion as a medic came over to Conrad, taking him from the scene as Nick was handcuffed and walked toward the squad car. As if in one final attempt at revenge, he spit on Conrad as he passed him before he was placed into the car and driven away.

As Greg watched the car recede, he flipped open his phone and hit Jim Brass's number "We need your help" He said as he watched the tow truck arrive. "And I need a ride"


	8. Formation

**I do not own CSI or any of the characters; even the ones I make up. Thanks for being patient in waiting for a new chapter. A lot has gone on in my life so I have been a bit behind in this. **

**Short chapter, but wanted to get an update. Hope you enjoy and more to come

* * *

**

"What the hell were you thinking?" Brass asked as he sat across the table from Nick, a hot cup of bitter coffee in his hands

"I don't know" Nick sighed tiredly

Brass scoffed. "C'mon, Nicky" He said "That's bullshit and you know it....don't bullshit me"

Nick glared at him "You think I'm bullshitting?" He asked with irritation "Do I look like I am bullshitting?"

Brass shrugged "I dunno; you tell me. I'm just here for the coffee"

"You think this is funny?"

Again, he shrugged "I never think violence is funny, Nick, you know that. But I think you were doing what anyone would have done in your situation...no matter how dumbass it was..."

He saw the perplexed look on Nick's face just as the door opened and another officer walked in, nodding at Brass before looking at Nick. "You're free to go, Mr. Stokes" He said "I'm sorry about the mix-up"

"What?" Nick asked incredulously. He'd been sitting in a cell for three hours, had been handcuffed and thrown into a squad car charged with assault and battery and now they were letting him go?

The officer nodded "You're free to go" He repeated "You need to sign some forms up front and we'll still need your written statement if you'd like us to pursue a case against Mr. Ecklie." As Nick slowly stood along with Brass, the officer continued "We can't charge Mr. Ecklie without your statement so we'll need that back as soon as possible"

Nick gave him a questioning look and he continued "You do want to press charges, right?"

Nick opened his mouth just as Brass patted him on the back "C'mon John" He said to the officer "Ecklie's Nick's boss...give the guy some time to absorb all of this, okay?"

The officer nodded "Sure, sure...take your time." He smiled at Nick "And, again, we really are sorry for the mix-up"

As they headed toward the front counter to sign out, Nick looked at him "What the hell was all of that about?"

Brass smiled, keeping his eyes forward as they walked "Let's just say it's time for Ecklie to taste a little bit of his own medicine"

* * *

Someone was banging on the door. Catherine groaned, rolling over to look at the alarm clock; it was just shy of 4:00 AM. She lay still for a moment, waiting for her head to clear as the banging continued before throwing the covers off.

"Mama!" She heard Lindsey call as she plowed down the stairs "Someone's here!"

"I know, Linds..." She called out as she grabbed her robe "Don't answer it, I'll be right there."

She rushed from the room and followed her daughter down the stairs, grabbing the teenagers arm just as she reached the door. "Stop" She said, lowering her voice "We don't know who it is"

Lindsey gave her a look "It's four in the morning, Mom" She replied "Maybe Grandma's drunk again?"

"No, Linds..." Catherine whispered, pulling her daughter backwards and pushing her towards the kitchen "Get the phone...just in case"

Lindsey watched her mom cautiously as the banging continued "You're kind'a freaking me out, Mama"

"Get the phone" Catherine ordered waiting until her daughter had the phone in her hand. She went carefully to the door, peeking through the peephole; her heart stopped

EcklieShit

"Go up to your room" She looked at Lindsey who watched her with wide eyes.

"Who is it?"

"Go to your room, Lindsey" Catherine ordered again. "And if you hear anything, call 9-1-1, okay?"

Tears sprung in the girl's eyes as she held the phone tight, shaking her head "I don't wanna leave you here---"

"_Your room Lindsey!"_ Catherine whispered harshly _"Now!"_

As Lindsey reluctantly backed away to rush up the stairs, Catherine took a few deep breaths before going to the door. She did not make a move, but waited for the banging to stop. After a few minutes, the banging intensified as she realized that he was kicking her door. She looked towards the stairs, silently contemplating going to Lindsey's room with her daughter and dialing the police on her own.

Just as she was about to move, it happened. The front window next to the door exploded as a rock flew through it and Catherine caught herself letting out a cry of alarm despite herself, ducking down to avoid the shards of glass as the security alarm began to blare. She heard Lindsey scream upstairs and her instincts drove her as she took the stairs two at a time until she reached her daughter's room, rushing in to slam and lock the door behind her.

"_Mama!" _ Lindsey was crying _"What's going on!?"_

Catherine scrambled to the bed with her, grabbing the phone as she pulled her trembling daughter to her. "Shhhhh..." She hushed her as she dialed the emergency number. "It's okay...."

Agonizing seconds ticked by as she waited for the emergency operator to answer the phone and she could swear she heard foot falls on the stairs. Her heart stopped as she felt both herself and Lindsey stop breathing.

He was outside the bedroom door

"_Mama..."_ Lindsey whimpered and Catherine jumped up, pulling Lindsey with her to the walk in closet. She went inside with Lindsey and closed the doors, praying silently for the operator to pick up the phone.

_9-1-1 What's your emergency?_

Thank God. Catherine began whispering into the phone, detailing her address and that she had an intruder. By now, the police had been alerted to the break in by her alarm system's remote assistance department; help was en route.

She heard the bedroom door break open and Lindsey jumped against her as Catherine kept the phone pressed to her ear

"_Willows!" _He bellowed as he entered the room _"Get out here!"_ She could hear him coming closer and she pulled Lindsey further into the closet. Damn it; she left her gun locked in her nightstand.

_Ma'am?_ The voice of the operator said _Ms Willows? Are you alright?_

The closet door was yanked open and Lindsey began to scream, as Ecklie's large shadow loomed in the opening, sirens barely audible over the sound of the alarm. Before she could defend herself, he had her around her throat and pulled her from the floor as she dropped the phone, her daughter screaming as Ecklie seethed: _"Did you call the fucking police, Willows!?"_

"_MAMA!"_ Lindsey was up and in one swift movement she caught him square in the temple with one of her ice skates, sending him backwards as he let go of Catherine

"_You little BITCH!" _He roared, his hand to his face as he attempted to lunge for the girl as another strike caught him across his jaw, this time by Catherine. He fell backward, tumbling over a pile of clothes on the floor as Catherine grabbed Lindsey and they ran from the room.

Catherine kept hold of Lindsey's hand as they bolted down the stairs and out of the house, rushing to the street just as a patrol car pulled up along the curb. The officer was out as Catherine rushed up to him "He's upstairs" She said breathlessly "In the first bedroom"

Gun drawn, the officer nodded towards his partner who followed him into the house as another patrol car pulled up. Catherine watched, her own body trembling as she put her arms around her daughter, as the lights from the flashlights reflected off of the windows in the house. After a few minutes, they were offered a seat in the second patrol car, recalling the events of the evening.

Catherine never said it was Ecklie and Lindsey could not make out his face.

After what seemed like an eternity, the officers came back out of the house; they were alone

"The house is empty" Officer Hopkins said "No sign of the intruder"

Catherine shook her head as Lindsey cried. "He couldn't have gotten out...."

Before she knew it, patrol cars lined the street as officers combed the neighborhood and she was face-to-face with Sophia and Greg, who had been sent to process the crime scene. Paramedics were sent to check on Catherine's cuts and she found herself being photographed for the bruising on her neck. Again, she told her story and as she repeated that she did not get a look at the intruder, she caught the look that Greg gave her.

Somehow she knew, he didn't believe her.

* * *

"I just don't understand why you are protecting him" Grissom sat across from her, his breakfast long since cold.

Catherine sighed in frustration. "I am not protecting him" She replied as she looked towards the back of the restaurant where Lindsey had gone to use the rest room "Did you ever think I am protecting _her_?"

"By not turning him in?" He asked "How is that protection?"

She glared at him "I don't know" She huffed "You tell me"

He pursed his lips, her point driven home. Of course she was referring to Sara. "That is different, Catherine, and you know it"

"How?" She asked "How is that different?"

It was his turn to sigh in frustration "Because Sara knows who is after her" He nodded in the direction Lindsey has gone "Lindsey has no idea he is after her and that makes it a deadly difference"

She was quiet, trying to keep the tears out of her eyes. "Who would believe me?"

He reached over and took her hand "Right now? Everyone" He squeezed her fingers gently "We have to stop him, Cath. And we have to stop him before he hurts someone else..." He nodded again towards Lindsey as she walked towards them "...before he hurts her"

She nodded, wiping away at the tear that slid down her cheek "I wish it were that simple..."

He let go of her hand as Lindsey rejoined them "But it is that simple" He replied with a wink "Trust me"

And as she watched him begin to converse with Lindsey, Catherine began to realize that something had changed within her friend and she knew that nothing would really ever be the same


	9. Until Now

Gil awoke slowly, his eyes opening momentarily until his mind finally won the battle to wake him up. The townhouse was dark and quiet and the only sound he could hear was that of the ticking clock on the wall above his head.

Four days. It had only been four days since this nightmare began and to Gil it felt like years had drug through him like a plague. Somewhere out there, the man that had hurt Sara was living his life…roaming the city, free to do it again. The bruises on Catherine were proof of it and here Gil lay, secure in his home while this mad man went free

That mad man was Conrad Ecklie

Next to him, Sara lay curled against his body, her head resting softly on his shoulder as her left arm lay loosely across his chest. He brought his arm around her tighter, pulling her to him as he tried to regain the comforting sleep from moments before. This was a rare moment, he knew, and he did not want to fully regain consciousness and have to let her go.

Since the attack she had stayed mostly in his spare room, the physical proximity of their bodies being nearly too much for her to handle. He had understood, allowing her the space to recover and overcome her demons. But tonight, with Catherine and Lindsey in the spare room and Warrick taking up guard in the living room, she had reluctantly succumbed to exhaustion huddled along the very edge of his large bed as far from physical contact as possible.

To wake up and find her here…this close…was unimaginable and he did not want to awaken her and lose the ability to hold her, to protect her, to feel her. She was nearly fully clothed, a pair of pajama pants and a large bulky sweatshirt but she felt good pressed against him…she felt comfortable. And he knew if he could, he would pull her into him, absorbing her very being into himself so that no one could ever hurt her again, no one could touch her and he could keep her safely within him, safe from the world.

If only she would let him

He turned, kissing her forehead softly and causing her to stir only slightly as she settled in closer to him. They lay this way for mere minutes longer until she turned in sleep, rolling away from his embrace to leave him feeling empty and exposed. Moving the covers back, he reluctantly moved out of the bed, careful not to wake her as he made his way from the room.

As he went down the stairs, he found Warrick sitting in the darkened living room, absorbed in some program that was displayed on the TV. He looked up at Gil

"Can't sleep?"

Gil switched on the kitchen light "It seems an odd hour to be sleeping" He replied, referring to their usual graveyard schedule "Would you like some tea?"

Warrick held up a bottle of beer. "Nope, I'm good Man"

Once the tea was brewing, Gil went back into the living room to join Warrick on the couch. He was watching some police show centering on forensics "Don't get enough of this at work?"

Warrick smiled "I like to see how other people do it" He replied "You know, maybe I am missing something"

Gil sighed "I often think that I am missing a lot"

Warrick took a slow drink of beer before looking over at him "You know this isn't your fault" He said knowingly as he motioned towards the stairs "What happened to Sara…to Catherine and Lindsey…this isn't your fault"

"I was being selfish…" Gil said quickly "I ended…what we had…" He shook his head "I guess you call that breaking up right? I thought we were better that way. That_ I_ was better that way…how does that even make sense?"

"Sometimes we do stupid shit" Warrick replied as he put his feet up on the table "We let our fear and apprehension tell us what to do...I mean, look at me and Tina."

He was studying the beer in Warrick's hand "If I hadn't made those decisions…" He shrugged "…she'd have been here and not at the lab. And she'd have been safe, Rick…" He swallowed hard before looking at Warrick thoughtfully "I made a bad decision and now people I care about are paying for it"

"Griss, c'mon man…" Warrick said 'This didn't happen to them because you broke up with Sara. Bad people who do bad things don't do them because they're given the opportunity. They do them because they're determined to. No matter what you did, he'd have done this eventually"

Gil studied him thoughtfully before speaking again "I've never thought about killing anyone in my life, even though I've studied the myriad of ways that it happens every single day for a very good portion of it" He said acutely "People like us, we help figure out the_ how_…but I've never really thought much about the _why_..…"

"Until now" Warrick stated

Gil opened his mouth and closed it, blinking once before responding "Until now…"

Warrick nodded "You better go get a beer, My Friend. It is going to be a very long night"

* * *

Conrad Ecklie was livid. He had sat the majority of the day across from his boss, who was performing an executive review of his file. The review board thought that the stress of the position was getting to him, that the demands of the job were too much for Conrad and that perhaps his judgment was impaired and therefore they mandated a temporary relief of duties.

They could have over looked his losing his temper on occasion, they could even over look his behavior with Supervisor Grissom, but driving under the influence was absolutely not tolerated. Especially when that behavior led to the vehicular assault against one of their top CSI's

Ecklie was jeopardizing the integrity of the lab and it was time he stepped down. All they asked was that he complete mandated alcohol counseling with anger management sessions and perhaps he could stay on as a lower level CSI

He was, to put it mildly, enraged

And now he sat, across from Jim Brass, discussing the charges against him for vehicular assault and driving under the influence. It really was far too much for him to comprehend

"_I was not drinking!"_ He exploded after 20 minutes listening to Brass read his charges and the supporting statements. He jumped up, banging his fist on the table in front of him

Brass rolled his eyes "Oh, come on man" He said "You saying the breathalyzer test was faulty?"

"I didn't _take_ a breathalyzer test, Jim" He seethed "And you know it!"

Jim shrugged. "That's not what your file says"

Conrad erupted, knocking the file off of the desk with a great sweep of his arm "_I don't give a flying fuck what that file says!"_ He bellowed "_I was NOT drinking and I did not take a breathalyzer exam!"_

Brass sat, hands clasped in front of him on the table; it was growing a lot more difficult to remain calm "Oh, now…" he said "Why'd you have to go do that for? Now someone's going to have to pick up all of those papers…"

"_You listen to me!" _ Conrad seethed "You better figure out what the hell is going on here, and you better figure it out fast! You got it?"

"Are you threatening me?" Brass asked, returning Ecklie's glare with a steel gaze of his own "Because people around here don't take too kindly to one of their own being threatened" With that the door opened and two uniformed officers came in, standing just inside the door as a small, coy smile spread across Brass's face "Capiche?"

Conrad's glare turned into a sneer as he straightened his suit "Capiche" He spat, standing up. As he rounded the corner of the table, he stopped long enough to lean down close to Brass's ear "But don't forget that you do have a daughter out there…somewhere…" he said quietly before patting Brass's shoulder "…and with my connections, I'm pretty sure it won't be too hard for me to find her…"

With that Brass was up, grabbing Ecklie's arm with such force that it nearly knocked the man to his knees as he yanked it grotesquely behind his back "Now _that_ was a threat" He said as he shoved Conrad forward violently, knocking him over the chair as he toppled to the floor. "Damn…that was a nasty fall, wasn't it officers?" Brass asked as the two officers nodded stiffly,

Brass stepped over Conrad's wriggling frame, glaring down at him "Better get those shoes fixed, Conrad. We wouldn't want you having any more _accidents_, now would we?"

With that he left the room, giving instructions to the officers to 'get him the hell out of my building' before storming down the hallway

He flipped his phone open as he did, waiting patiently as the answering machine on the other end picked up "Ellie…" He said, feeling desolate "It's your dad. Call me, okay? We really need to talk"

And as he heard Ecklie being escorted down the hallway in the other direction, Brass knew that he needed to get his daughter out of Vegas and perhaps even the country, no matter how much money it cost him

* * *

**Anyone out there still reading? Let me know...**


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